


Everything Changed

by Writeclexa



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Child Abuse, Developing Relationship, Doctor Clarke, Eventual Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, Lawyer Lexa, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Clarke, Rape, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-08-23 05:19:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8315434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writeclexa/pseuds/Writeclexa
Summary: Clarke has a horrible shift that ends with Raven Reyes entering her emergency department after a series of tragic events. Clarke wants to give Raven a home and finds herself talking with Lexa Woods, one of the most successful family lawyers in the country. Will this meeting change not only her home but her life?Or; Clarke rescues Raven and ends up meeting the love of her life.





	1. January

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first go at writing a fic, its very deep and contains a lot of dark content in the beginning, but like anything, it always gets better. Anyway, let me know what you think! Happy (not so happy) reading!

It had been 13 hours, 13 hours of screaming children, terrified parents, soul destroying deaths and heart break. Clarke felt the weight of each of her patient’s deaths, in her 2 years of emergency care she had never experienced a day so hallowing. 

As she washed her hands and reflected on the horrible shift she was having, she heard the hurried sound of the gurney trolley carrying another patient, the squeaking against the sterile floors, she sighed and prepared herself, pulling herself back together. Turning around she saw the faces of her two favourite paramedics, Bellamy and Echo. This brought a small smile to her face. She made the jog over to where they had brought the patient in to the emergency area. Looking up and meeting Bellamy's eyes she gave him her full attention and a single nod. No formalities were needed, they could speak to each other later. 

“We’ve got a 16-year-old female, Raven Reyes, she was found out the front of her residence, she has been in and out consciousness the entire ride back, GSC of 10, we estimate she has lost 2L of blood based on the large pool she was found in, she is blood type AB, as you can see she has an open wound on the top of her forehead, 4 inches long, she has major deep tissue bruising on her abdomen, back and upper thighs.”

She saw the pained look cross Bellamy's eyes at that admission, and Clarke felt her heart sink deeper. 

“Echo listened to her lungs and didn’t hear any unusual noises or the sound of fluid. We suspect she has a fracture of her right radius as well, she has multiple cuts and grazes over her body. The police have her step father in custody but there have been no mentions of any other family members to contact.”

Taking a moment to gather herself she chanced a glance at the 16-year-old, before her laid a girl bloodied beyond recognition, eyes swollen shut, blood caked hair, clothes torn and ripped apart violently, faded and fresh bruises littering her body. Clarke could feel the empty weight of her heart being crushed inside her, she knew what had happened to this girl, and she felt all the tiny pieces of herself that she had put back together all those months ago splinter apart. Having no time for self-wallowing and the handover completed Clarke sprang into action, noticing the 2 nurses, Harper and Monroe that had come to assist her, she started barking orders. 

“We need a litre of AB blood now, ensure her head wound is clean and ready for me to suture, I will insert an IV cannula, I need 3mls of Morphine and Metoprolol to administer immediately, we need to do a full rape kit, so do not touch her clothes without being completely sanitised and bag them straightaway. Get her a gown to wear, I do not want her exposed at all.”

Once the initial hysteria had passed and all critical tasks taken care of Clarke could finally focus on suturing her head wound. 

 

RAVEN 

Raven could hear beeping, she tried to shift away from the noise and open her eyes, however she was fighting a losing battle, it felt as if her eyes had weights hanging from them; opening just to see a bright white light, only to have them close again. Her groggy mind began to wonder, the beeping still echoing around her empty skull, she felt herself drift back to a painful memory. 

_It was her mother’s 40th birthday, she had set her alarm and gotten up at 5am to ensure her morning would run to plan. She had been preparing for this for months. Building up her money stash by starving herself and using her step father’s money he would give her for food. Buying little things along the way to ensure her mother would feel special. Maybe then her mother would love her, notice her, care about her._

_She pulled the eggs and bacon she had purchased the day before from where she had hidden them in their barely alive fridge and put them in the sizzling pan. Her empty stomach grumbling and mouth salivating, she placed 4 pieces of toast in the toaster and turned the nob to 3 so it would be just lightly browned, just the way her mother liked it._

_Walking away and going back to her room she rummaged the bag she had concealed under her bed and started to pull out the card she had handmade, the table cloth and other little items to decorate the table. As she went to stand back up and head out to set the table she heard a loud beep come from the kitchen, she froze, and then heard it again, and again, and again._

_She sprinted from her bedroom into the kitchen, her heart lodged in her throat, she saw the toast burning, along with the bacon and eggs, smoke clouding the small kitchen. Then she heard the unmistakable sound of her step fathers large feet pounding down the hallway towards her, she made herself as small as possible, pushing herself into the cabinetry, hiding her head behind her hands so she couldn’t see, and then she felt it, his calloused rough hands grab onto her arm and throw her against the wall like a rag-doll, the wind completely knocked out of her, her head aching from where it had smacked against the corner of the wall._

_“what do you think you’re fucking doing! Trying to cook? You’re useless! You can’t do anything! You’re as worthless as your pathetic mother.”_

_And then she felt it again, the kick to her ribs as if she was nothing more than a piece of rubbish in his way._

_“Clean this up.”_

_And with nothing more left to give she felt the complete worthlessness envelop her, the unmistakable feel of her entire being perishing, she let the pain flow over her, she let the tears well but she pushed them away, she would not let them fall, above anything else she would never cry because of him. She pushed her battered shaking form from the ground, and began to clean up. Her mother never left her room that day to check on her. The next day she found her card in the bin along with everything she had purchased for her mother’s birthday._

CLARKE

Clarke saw the girl stirring, eyes squinting, arms flailing around and body tense. She knew that she must be stuck in a painful dream and again her heart lurched for the girl. Sitting so close to her while suturing her wound she could see how beautiful she was, once all the blood was washed from her face, hair and body, you couldn’t deny her beauty. Her toffee coloured skin, defined and toned body, thick long brown hair, it made her wonder how anyone could bring themselves to hurt her. Finishing up and covering the wound the girl again began to stir, this time more fully. She didn’t have long to think about how the girl would react before she heard a crackly voice enter the room.

“Well hello, Doc.” Raven’s mouth turned up into a slight smirk, but Clarke could already see the girl didn’t mean it. 

Clarke then begin to explain to her that she was in hospital, that she had many injuries, but that they were all easily fixed, a cast on her right wrist, a large gash on her head, a severe concussion, deep tissue bruising, and the list went on. Clarke watched the girls facial expressions go from the slight smirk to terrified. Clarke hated this part, she had to tell the girl that she had to perform a rape kit and that the police would be in to speak with her once Clarke gave them the okay. Taking a deep breath she did just that, and she watched as the girls hands begun to shake, her eyes squeeze shut, begging the images to go away. 

She heard her then, the second time she had said anything, barely above a whisper she said. “Please don’t make me talk to the police.” Looking down Clarke knew that there was nothing she could do besides deny the inevitable, it was going to happen, even though neither of them wanted it to. 

“Raven, I’m sorry but I cannot stop it from happening, the person that did this to you is in custody and the police need a statement from you to ensure this never happens to you again.” 

“He’ll get away with it, he always does, there’s no point, no one cares about me anyway.” 

As if Clarke's heart could break anymore, it did just that. Taking the girls uninjured hand, and looking into her barely open bruised eyes she spoke. 

“I promise you this time is different Raven, I will be here with you the entire time, I won’t leave until you tell me to go, this is the worst part, but once it’s over I will get you through this, please believe me.”

With a single nod of affirmation, Clarke gave the go ahead for the police to come in and question her. 

RAVEN

She sat herself up and mentally and physically prepared herself for the questioning, she straightened her spine, even though her ribs were stretching and aching against her, she set her face to emotionless after many years of practice, she made herself feel stronger even though it was all a lie. 

She looked over at her Doctor; Clarke, she had insisted she just call her Clarke. She looked over and hoped her face didn’t portray just how she was feeling, but as if the two girls were on the same wavelength, Clarke reached over and again gripped the girls hand, ensuring she knew she was not alone. She felt herself slightly relax into the touch, until she saw the two police officers walk over and stand in front of her bed, she felt her whole body go ridged at just the thought of having to explain this to anyone. But with a gentle squeeze and a reassuring smile from her blonde doctor, she began talking. 

_She began the miserable walk back home once school had finished, she had hung around for as long as she could, trying to stall the thought of going to that house she once called her home, she even thought of just sleeping somewhere at the school, but she knew if she didn’t return home it would just be worse for her._

_Walking through the front door she felt how quiet it was, she could feel it seep into her bones, encompassing her. As quietly as she could, as if to ensure she was invisible, she tip toed to her room, only to find her step father passed out on her bed. She felt her insides turn to liquid, her body begin to shake, she hated herself but a shocked sob managed to strangle out from her throat. Instantly covering her mouth with her hand so harshly that she felt her teeth digging into the side of her mouth, drawing out the strong metallic taste of blood that she had grown so accustomed to, she saw the man begin to stir, his pale green, lifeless eyes locked onto her. She froze, she couldn’t fucking move, and she began to hate herself even more._

_He stood up and towered over her, grabbing her by the wrist and violently dragging her towards him, she not so much felt as she heard the snap of her wrist, letting out a sharp cry she felt the punch to her face, above her eyebrow, and then on her cheekbones, her head felt so foggy, she opened her eyes only to see two of everything, so she just shut them again, trying to regain her composure._

_His grip was so tight on her arms and her head so clouded she didn’t realise he was tearing at her clothes trying to shred them from her, she didn’t realise that he was pining her to the bed, it was the moment he pushed himself inside of her she came to, she felt the pain so harshly that she thought she was going to die. She screamed at him to stop but this just seemed to spur him on further, and so she just shut up, silently praying that this nightmare would be over soon. She felt the blood flowing over her face and eyes and began to wish that it would drown her._

_She felt his grip loosening as her blood began to coat her arms as well, with her last ounce of energy she pulled at him using his own energy to launch him towards her and over her head, she was instantly up and running, not caring that she was covered in blood, half naked. She only knew that she had to get out of the house and never return. Her movements became sluggish and her head was pounding against her skull, she pushed herself from the front door and into the front yard, she collapsed to her knees and felt the sharp dead grass cut into her, but she was too weak to care, she felt her eyes begin to close without her control, but she let them, she willingly closed them, hoping that this was the end, with one last coherent thought, she pictured her dead mother, and then she faded to black._

CLARKE

Clarke didn’t realise she was crying until she looked down at her shoes and saw the tear droplet drop onto them. She looked back up, quickly wiping at her eyes and retaking Raven’s hand. She felt a fierce fire of protectiveness course through her entire body, and she knew that she could not leave this girl to enter the system and just become another defeated, sad child. If what Bellamy said was true, and that she had no other family, then Clarke would push with everything in her for Raven to come home with her. She could support her, love her, give her a home and somewhat of a family.

Just the thought of having to contact her mother made her second guess if she could actually go through with this, but she knew it was the only way to get the foster license as quickly as she would need it, before Raven was discharged. Putting that temporarily to the back of her mind she caught on to the tail end of the officers thanking Raven and saying goodbye.

“Raven, sweetie, I heard the officers say that once you were discharged they would have to find you a temporary home because you had no known relatives, is that true?” She watched Ravens shoulders deflate and pain cross her eyes momentarily. 

“Yep, it’s just me, which is fine though because I’ve come this far on my own, I’ll be alright doc, wherever I’m going is better than where I came from.” 

“I’m going to make sure it’s better, Raven,” She closed her eyes and promised herself that she would. 

“It’s actually the end of my shift, well it was technically the end of my shift 5 hours ago, so I’m going to head home, but I’ll see you first thing in the morning.” She added that last part with a smile.

“Sure thing Doc…” Clarke glared at her at her using that title again. “…Clarke, I’ll see you in the morning, not like I have anywhere else to be.”

With one last glance and hand squeeze she left the room, instantly feeling the day’s events pressing on her, her feet didn’t want to lift themselves off the ground, but she slowly trudged her way to the nurses station, firmly reminding Harper to watch over the girl while she was gone, and to call her if anything happened. 

* * *

Walking through her front door at 7pm she collapsed onto her couch and began staring at the ceiling, trying to put off making the call for as long as possible. With her mind drifting back to the girl lying in the hospital bed she felt her resolve come back, and picked up her phone. Scrolling through until she found her mother’s number, she pressed the call button. Hearing the continued beep of the call before it could be answered, she closed her eyes and clenched her hands, and then she heard her mother’s voice, for the first time in 3 months.  


“…Clarke? Is that you honey?” 

“Yes mom, it’s me, listen I’ve had a really hard day at work today and I just need you to listen to me for a minute without interrupting me please.”

“Yeah of course, is everything okay?”

“No mom, it’s not, this 16-year-old girl was brought in and she’s had a really difficult start in life, and I want to help her, I need you to talk to Marcus and get me immediately started with the foster care license process please. I don’t care whether you want me to do this or not, I’m 26, and god, please, just do this for me without questioning it.” She clenched and unclenched her hands waiting for her mother’s voice to filter through the other end of the phone. 

“Clarke… Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Mom I just told you it is and not to question it, listen, just put Marcus on the phone for me if you won’t.”

“Here’s Marcus.” She heard the ruffling of the phone being handed over. 

“Hey Clarke, long-time since I’ve had the pleasure of a call from you.” She could hear the smile in his voice. 

Smiling, Clarke took a deep breath and explained to Marcus what she needed, he was the Mayor, he could pull some strings for her and quicken the process, she already had a full police check done to become a Doctor, she had never even received a speeding ticket. She had a four bedroom, two story home, she had enough money in the bank to support herself for years, partly thanks to her job, but mostly from the inheritance she received from her father’s death. She seriously began to wonder why she hadn’t started this process sooner. 

“Okay Clarke, I can only do so much, if you want this done within the next two days you need to contact Lexa Woods, she’s the best family lawyer in the country and she will be able to get this all finalised for you. I will get your mother to send you through her firms details.”

“Thank you Marcus, goodnight to you and mother.”

Not a minute later she heard the _ding!_ of her phone and saw the details of Lexa Woods. Looking at the time and sighing, she pressed down on the call button not expecting a response, it was 7:30 at night. But she was pleasantly surprised when she heard the hard voice of the women on the other end of the line. 

“This is Anya Woods, and unless this is an emergency I’m going to hang up the phone.” Slightly taken back Clarke stuttered.

“Uh, yes, hello… Ms Woods, my name is Clarke Griffin and this is somewhat of an emergency, I was told by Marcus Kane-Griffin to get in contact with Lexa Woods immediately?” She heard the audibly over exaggerated sigh and prepared herself for the phone line to disconnect. But instead she heard the short and sharp, “one moment.” She then made out the sounds of voices arguing through the line and felt somewhat guilty for using Marcus’s name, knowing that this Lexa Woods wouldn’t be able to deny her call. 

Then the phone was picked up and she more so felt then heard the intimidating, surprisingly young but strong voice of Lexa Woods for the first time. “This is Lexa Woods, what can I do for you?”

“Hi Miss Woods, my name is Clarke Griffin and I’ve been told by Marcus to get in contact with you regarding speeding up the process of getting my foster license.” Not a second later Lexa’s voice was filtering through the phone. 

“I will contact Marcus tonight and grasp where he is at with the process, however I will need you to meet me at 10am tomorrow at my firm, it is on Heda Road, number 370. Bring with you all the documentation you have, and the details of the person you would like to care for. If all goes well, we can expect this to be taken care of within two days. I will see you at 10am sharp tomorrow Miss Griffin, goodnight.” Clarke frowned as she heard the line go dead, that was quick? 

Putting her phone down and glancing around her large, mostly empty home, she pushed herself up and headed towards her ‘office’, which was just another word for an empty room with a desk that just so happened to have every document of herself that she had acquired over the years in it. Fighting her way through all the documents she gathered everything that seemed somewhat important and placed them on the kitchen bench. Opening her fridge and sighing at how unappealing the mouldy food sitting in it was, she closed it again. Making a mental note to go shopping on her day off tomorrow. 

Picking up a half bruised apple, she began to fill her empty stomach while walking into her large, en-suite bathroom. She sat down on the toilet to relieve herself and then noticed that she was still eating, feeling somewhat disgusted in herself she aimed for the bin and got the apple in. Standing up and stripping herself she made her way into the shower, and instantly felt the scolding water relaxing her tired muscles. As she let the water wash over her she closed her eyes and tried to push away the memory that was fighting its way to the surface. She felt the tears begin to build, and the emptiness overtake her, and so the memory seeped in, and she couldn’t bring herself to stop it. 

_”Finn! Come in here! It’s cold and I need you to wash my back.” She said that last part in the most seductive voice she had, the low, husky one that she knew he couldn’t resist. Not a moment later she felt his arms wrap around her stomach and him pull her into his front._

_“Hello princess, I’ve missed you these last few days.” Turning around and facing him, she wrapped her arms back around him, “you’re the one that went away babe, but I’m glad that you’re back.”_

_She smiled up at him and pressed a kiss to his lips, she felt his arms move and grip onto her hips, he pushed her against the back of the shower wall and then deepened the kiss, she knew where this was leading, and so she started rubbing her front against him, knowing this made him aroused. He gripped her more firmly, almost painfully and bent her over, without a seconds notice he was fucking her, she was not ready and all she felt was pain, she leaned her arm back and tried to slow him down, but this just egged him on further, harder, faster. She didn’t think this was how it was supposed to be, this didn’t feel right, they had been together for 8 months, she was supposed to love him, he was supposed to care about her every want and need, and instead he was unceremoniously fucking her in her own shower._

_He finished and pressed a kiss to her lower back, then made his way out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. “I’ll meet you in bed princess, I’m so tired.” Clarke felt pathetic and used, and seriously unsatisfied, but this was how it had been for the last 4 months, and so she told herself she would just keep trying to get him to treat her like he did in the beginning, she just had to try harder, it was obviously her fault that he didn’t want to please her._

Pulling herself out of the memory and wiping at her eyes she stepped out of the shower even more exhausted then when she had stepped in. Knowing that she wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight she pulled on a pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt that would keep her warm in the cool, crisp air-conditioning of the hospital she spent far too much time at. She told herself that she was going back to the hospital to visit Raven for her comfort, but she knew she was lying to herself, even if Raven was asleep and stuck in a bed, Clarke knew she just needed someone there tonight, for her own comfort.

* * *

On the short drive to the hospital Clarke stopped and picked up a burger and fries for herself, and a chocolate Sunday for Raven, she hoped the girl was a chocolate fan. She approached Ravens room and plastered a fake smile on her face before entering, she noticed Raven jump when the door closed behind her, Clarke thought better of commenting on the fact and pretended she didn’t notice. Holding up the Sunday and saying “hope you’re a chocolate fan, because I brought you dessert” she reached her arm over and handed the girl the ice-cream before sitting down ungracefully in the hospital grade uncomfortable chair. 

“Well I love all things that aren’t hospital food, the shit here tastes as good as cardboard, and all the nurses are trying to shove the food down my throat, so thanks for saving me, Clarke.” She saw Raven eye the dessert like it was some gift sent from god, and she wasn’t sure whether it was because she did hate the hospital food and was hungry, or because no one had ever bought her something just because they could. Without a moment’s hesitation she watched as Raven devoured the dessert, in-between her enormous mouthfuls she managed to get out, “I thought I wasn’t going to see you again until the morning?” 

“Well I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t manage to get you off my mind, so here I am.” Raven smirked and Clarke could sense the snarky remark before Raven spoke it. “Ah, well Doc, I know in this gown I’m irresistible, but surely you can’t already be in love with me?” With a slight chuckle she prepared herself for what she was about to say. “Well Raven, that would be awfully uncomfortable for both of us, because I’m hoping when you’re discharged you’ll be coming home with me, that is, of course, only if you would like to.” 

Raven choked on her next mouthful, spluttering all over the place, and Clarke was quick to sit the girl up further and pat her back, that is until Raven flinched away from her touch as if she burned her. Sitting back down and distancing herself from Raven, Clarke watched as a series of emotions crossed the girls face, she grew uncomfortable and just wished the girl would speak, she had suffered enough rejection in her life, and she would hate it if it happened again. 

“You want me to come home with you?” Clarke couldn’t help but hear the hopefulness in the girl’s voice, and she just wanted to hug her and tell her that of course she did, but she refrained from that and tried to reassure her verbally as best she could. “Yes raven, I would love nothing more than for you to stay with me.” 

RAVEN

“… I would love nothing more than for you to stay with me.” Raven wasn’t sure she had heard correctly, she wanted me to come home with her? Clarke the gentle, kind hearted Doctor, the only person to ever buy her something without her begging for it, and that’s when it hit her, the pieces coming together in raven’s complicated mind, she would never be anything more than broken in Clarke's eyes, a body that needs to be fixed, this was Clarke's job after all, and that’s all this was, she’d be stupid to think anything more of it. She found herself growing agitated towards Clarke, she had gotten this far without her, why should she rely on anyone else now? And so she found herself saying, louder then she had meant to, “I’m not broken Doc, you don’t have to prove to everyone else that you can fix me, I will manage fine on my own.” 

She witnessed the look of shock cross Clarke’s face, and saw the Doctor visibly deflate. “Raven, I don’t want to fix you, I know you aren’t broken, I just wished that when I was in your position there was someone out there offering me a safe place to go to, I will never pity you Raven, I just want to offer you the future you deserve.”

Raven wasn’t sure how to respond, Clarke had been in my position? What the fuck. Maybe she could allow herself this, no one had ever offered her anything, maybe it was finally time to do something for herself. “I am a mess Clarke,” Raven saw the happy smile cross Clarke’s face at her using her first name, “and I’m not sure why you would want me, but if the offer still stands, I would be stupid not to take it.” 

CLARKE

Clarke felt the blistering smile erupt from her face, and there was nothing she could do to stop it, she had to mentally remind herself not to get up and smother the girl in a bone crushing hug, and so instead she just jumped up and held out her hand for Raven to take, that is the most human contact the girl could handle at this point, and Clarke understood and respected that.

“It makes me happy that you want to come home with me, and I promise you that I will do everything in my power to ensure it happens, I have a meeting with the country’s best family lawyer in the morning, and I have the mayor on my side, so everything should be sorted by the time you are discharged.” With more vulnerability then the girl was probably comfortable with, she heard Raven admit, “I hope it is.”

Clarke pulled her chair forward towards the bed and grabbed an extra blanket to keep her warm, she tucked her legs in towards her chest and closed her eyes, the exhaustion of the day completely catching up with her. She mumbled out a tired promise, “I won’t let anything bad happen to you again,” and before sleep took her, she heard a quiet, “good night Clarke” come from the equally as tired girl laying in the bed.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the love on my first chapter, happy reading!

Clarke awoke to the soft humming of Raven’s light voice, it managed to fill up the room, demanding to be heard. She cracked her eyes, fighting against the crusty sleep, and noticed Raven still had hers shut, which made her wonder if the girl was humming subconsciously. 

Trying to be as quiet as possible, Clarke stretched her cramped legs out in front of her, but the cracking and popping of her joints gave her away. With a slight shake of her head, she looked up to see Raven staring at her, studying her. Instead of speaking she grabbed her phone and checked the time, 6:30am, with a groan she wondered out loud, “I hope you being an early riser isn’t a habit, I much prefer my mornings to begin as late as possible.”

Getting up and shaking off her tiredness she started fretting over the girl who still hadn’t said a word. Checking her vitals, her casted hand, and the sutures, she asked if she could check her bruising, with a half-hearted nod Clarke undid some of the ties on her hospital gown, reminding herself to be as gentle as possible, not to frighten the girl. She did her best to conceal her horrified facial expression, but apparently her sharp intake of breath gave her away, along Ravens torso were hues of every deep, dark colour imaginable, from purple, to deep blues to dirty greens. Tying up the girls gown and thinking of something to say, she blurted out the first _doctor thing_ that came to mind, “well Raven, everything seems to be healing along well, you should be getting discharged within the next day or two.” 

She saw Raven smile at that, “Thank fuck Doc, I can’t stand to lay in this bed being useless for much longer.” Clarke chuckled at the girls use of vulgar language, she would have to try refrain herself from using the word fuck, but that in itself was almost impossible. 

“Well as much as I’d love to hang around here all day, I must be off to speak with the _country’s best lawyer_ ,” Clarke made sure to emphasise on the wink, “I’ll be back later though to fill you in, I really do want this to work Raven.” 

* * *

Clarke stared at herself in front of her floor to roof length mirror, eyeing her choice of high-class professional clothes, she didn’t own many of the sort, and the only reason she had any was because of the various meetings she would be mandated to attend for the hospital. She had chosen a sheer white blouse, that she tucked into her high waisted, black trousers and finished her outfit off with her favourite black, shiny heels. Sighing and grabbing her purse she made her way down the stairs and over to the kitchen to grab all the documents she had prepared earlier, and then out into her garage. Jumping into her black audi A5, she took a moment to appreciate herself and just how far she had come over the past few years, considering everything. Entering in the details Lexa gave her, she began the drive to the city, humming along to some of her favourite tunes. 

* * *

LEXA

She started her day the same way she started all of her days. The familiar noise of her alarm would blare through the room at 5am sharp. She would just about smash the stop button, and would roll herself out of bed and over to her gym clothes drawer. She would pull on her clothes, tie up her hair, and put in her head phones, and then she’d be out the door, running her favourite track. 

Lexa enjoyed keeping everything in her life private, and that included her house, she was overjoyed when the real estate told her that her house was finished and ready for her to move into. She had had the vision for this house since she was a child, a two story house, surrounded by the forest, completely concealed from the outside world. Checking her watch and looking up to see the brilliant ancient tree, she nodded to herself because she knew that she was still on time, that was her marker that she was halfway done. Finishing up with a sprint she headed straight for the shower and begun the second part of her routine, a breakfast smoothie and a call to her personal assistant, who just happened to be her sister, Anya Woods. 

Anya blabbered on about Lexa’s day, filling her in on all of the meetings and commitments she had to attend before hanging up. Double checking that she had everything she needed she jumped in her car and headed to work, she hated the city, but she was advised that it was the best place for her firm, and so she took the spot and built her once tiny business, into an empire. 

CLARKE

Pulling into the carpark and stepping out she couldn’t help but gawk at the size of the building in front of her. No, building was not a fitting enough word, more like skyscraper, it had to be at least 30 stories high. It was all sheik black glass, that reflected the sky that had the artist in Clarke yearning for a pen and paper, at the very top of the building she saw the large silver plated words of _’Raitnes Law Firm’_ , she was confused, it certainly wasn’t English, she would have to ask Lexa the meaning of the word at some point in their meeting. Shrugging and heading inside she was greeted immediately by a brunette woman behind the front desk, “Hello, welcome to Raitnes Law, how can I assist you?” 

“Uhh… I have a meeting with Lexa Woods at 10am.” Clarke hated how uncertain her voice sounded, but she couldn’t help but feel so small and powerless in this completely elegant yet intense building. 

“Of course, if you just head to the elevator the button will already be pressed for you.” With a nod and a small smile, she made her way inside and felt the elevator rise. The button was clicked in at floor 35, she was wrong in assuming the building was 30 floors, of course she was. As the numbers above her on the screen grew closer and closer to 35, she started to feel her palms become extremely sweaty, and so she desperately attempted to wipe away some of the fluid on her black trousers, only to have them look darker and wet, with a huff of frustration she straightened herself as much as she could, squaring her shoulders and gripping her purse harder for some sort of support. 

With a _ding!_ she exited the elevator and was again shocked at the beauty of the building she was in, in front of her was a white marble desk with what Clarke imagined to be Lexa’s personal assistant behind it, gazing just over her head she became entranced by the view of the city from this high up, the floor to ceiling clear glass giving her a full 180 degree view. With the clearing of a throat Clarke felt the heat rise up to her face, how long had she been standing there? Shaking her head and looking up she was met with dark brown, almost black eyes, and Clarke gulped. 

“Miss Woods is just through the door to your left, she is expecting you so just head on in, Clarke.” Pulling herself back down to earth and getting her resolve back Clarke pushed her shoulders back and entered the office of Lexa Woods. 

There are few things in Clarke’s life that go to plan, she has become accustomed to having the black cloud of bad luck follow her every waking step, she’s made her peace with it. But in this moment she would have appreciated at least a pause, she needed, for once, for everything to run smoothly, however, as usual, life had other plans. Not only did she trip on the small ridge of a protruding tile, almost losing a heel, she also managed to drop nearly every piece of paper that she had brought to the meeting, which by anyone’s means, was a lot, while waving her arms around trying to regain her balance. Wishing that she could just combust into thin air and disappear, she heard the small chuckle of Lexa Woods. 

As if the day could get any worse, Clarke looked up and met the most enrapturing eyes she had ever had the privilege of looking at, all emerald green and deep, as if they held the secrets to everything. Clarke broke her gaze and looked back to the ground where all her pages were scattered, quickly leaning down and gathering them all she prepared herself to look up again. 

LEXA

Lexa was shocked to say the least, she never had experienced someone literally falling through her office door. Before she could regain her composure and speak the young blonde looked up and met Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa felt her knees somewhat weaken, her eyes were _so_ blue, the bright light shining behind her from her large clear glass only seemed to further brighten her eyes, Lexa chanced a glance at the rest of the girls face, and was not disappointed, she had a light tinge of red coating her cheeks, a small beauty mark just above her lip. As Lexa made her way down her body she felt her mouth begin to water, she was all soft curves yet still toned and strong, a perfect combination in Lexa’s eyes. Suddenly the girl bent down and was scrambling around trying to pick everything up and Lexa desperately tried to avoid looking at the girls ass, but she couldn’t help herself when it was so readily on display for her viewing, but all too soon the girl was standing back up and looking to the ground, embarrassed, and so Lexa pulled her unfazed façade back on, and introduced herself officially. 

CLARKE

“Hello, my name is Lexa Woods, we spoke on the phone briefly yesterday, please, take a seat.” Her open palm pointing to the leather chair in front of her wooden desk. Clarke was quick to capitalise on the opportunity of no longer having to stand and run the risk of falling again, and so she relaxed into the chair before speaking.

“Hello Miss Woods, I am Clarke Griffin. I’m… ur... sorry about stumbling just now, I’ve always been a bit of a klutz.” She finally gave herself the willpower to look back up and meet Lexa’s eyes, they had somewhat of a playful glint behind them. 

“Please, Clarke, just refer to me as Lexa, and as for the stumbling, consider it forgotten. I’m sure you’re wondering how the process of your foster license is progressing, and I can confirm that along with the help of Mr Kane-Griffin everything is coming along accordingly. However, I do need to inform you that you will need to have a person come inspect your house, and a meeting with yourself and Miss Reyes before your license can be finalised.” 

Clarke was really trying her hardest not to squirm in her seat at just how strong and _commanding_ Lexa’s voice was, she was more focused on the sounds leaving her mouth then actually using her brain to translate them to English, so she was surprised when she was able to formulate a reply.

“Of course, how soon can the inspector come and the meeting happen?”

“I have all the necessary personnel at my disposal Clarke, I could have both done within the day.” Clarke knew Lexa was powerful, that much anyone could see, but she did not realise just how powerful she truly was. 

“That would be great, thank you, I really do need this done as quickly as possible.”

“Then it will, may I take a look at the files you have brought?” 

Quickly handing them all over she again felt embarrassed, “they were in somewhat of an order but now they’re all jumbled, sorry.”

“That’s quite alright, Clarke, I’m sure I can manage.” Clarke swore she would be happy never listening to anything other than her name being replayed on repeat from Lexa’s mouth. Lexa just had this way of rounding out the ‘r’ and clicking the ‘k’, it rolled off Lexa’s tongue in the most tantalising way, it was doing disastrous things to Clarke’s composure. 

Clarke watched Lexa’s fingers gliding over each page as she read the contents, she swore Lexa must have known what she was doing, because she could see the shadow of a smirk on her face. “Well Clarke, it seems you brought more than enough documentation, if I may, can I ask you a question.” Clarke just nodded, growing somewhat uncomfortable. 

“After reading Miss Reyes’s file, I can see she has been through quite a lot, I’ve never had someone come to me wanting to get a foster licence after just one day of knowing the child, I’m trying to understand, why do you want to do this so quickly?” 

Clarke was slightly taken back by the question, she took a minute to really think about the answer, put the pieces in her mind together to try to understand why she felt so strongly about this, when she had known the girl for less than 24 hours. She knew however, that she couldn’t live with herself if she let the girl be taken away to god knows where, with every growing second she felt more certain about her answer.  


LEXA

Lexa watched as the blonde’s forehead creased, her eyes slightly squint, she could tell she was truly deliberating the question she had just given to her, which made Lexa appreciate her more. In Lexa’s experience, no one wanted the damaged child, especially a 16-year-old, Raven’s chances of ever being adopted if she entered the system were slim to none. Before she could think any further she heard Clarke’s husky voice enter the room, and so she gave her, her undivided attention.

“I know this is crazy,” Clarkes forehead creased even more, “I mean, I’m a 26-year-old Doctor, I’ve only just cracked the door on what my medical future could behold, but, I can’t help but feel like I’m not doing enough, you know? Raven, she’s so strong, and- and I just want to help her, she acts unfazed by everything that’s happened to her, but I can tell it’s just her defence mechanism, I feel protective over her already. I’ve somewhat experienced what she has… I just want her to be safe… and… and I know that I can do that for her.”

Lexa felt a wave of anger rip through her body, and she suddenly wanted to kill whoever Clarke was talking about, what part had Clarke ‘somewhat experienced’? Any of Raven’s experiences would surly maim any person for as long as they lived, they would forever be shadowed by their past. Lexa found herself wanting to get to know both of these women, to be there for both of them, in whatever capacity that may be. 

“It is an admirable thing you are doing Clarke, Raven is lucky to have met you. If it would be okay with you, I would be happy to be the person to complete the house inspection and the meeting, it would make me more comfortable knowing that you are being well looked after throughout the process, I want to make this as smooth as possible for the both of you.”

Clarke looked at her then, like really looked at her, as if she was trying to find something within Lexa, apparently she found it, and with a grateful smile she readily accepted her offer. Lexa gave her a small smile and picked up her phone, “Anya, cancel my day.” 

CLARKE

Clarke wasn’t sure why Lexa offered herself to do the meetings, as she said earlier, she had all the necessary people at her disposal, however she was grateful, Lexa would make the whole process less stressful. 

“Anya, cancel my day.” Clarke could feel Lexa’s power and authority washing over the room, and Clarke was desperately trying to absorb some of it, she couldn’t help but feel a little (a lot) turned on by Lexa. Lexa stood then, and Clarke really took a moment to admire her figure, she was all long, strong limbs, rounded shoulders, soft tanned skin, everything about her screamed control. 

“Well, Clarke,” she had this small smug look on her face, Clarke must have been staring for longer then she realised, “would you prefer we have the meeting with Miss Reyes first, or the house inspection?” 

“Meeting please.” Lexa just gave her the tiniest nod, if you weren’t paying full attention to her (like you could not) you probably would have missed it. Lexa, ever the professional, grabbed all of Clarke’s files and slipped them into her very expensive looking purse, “so that you they don’t go flying around the next room, Clarke.”

Clarke felt the heat come back to her cheeks, and began mentally chastising herself at how easily Lexa could control her emotions already. Clarke began plotting ways to wipe that smug look off of her face, but she couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t PG rated. Just as she was getting herself back together, Lexa had to ruin it with her voice all over again, “would you prefer to ride together or separately, Clarke?”

Before she could think it through, she mumbled out, “together,” but was quick to follow through with, “I mean that would make the most sense because we can have a chat about all of this some more and I mean we’re both heading to the same destination…” before she could word vomit some more, Lexa, of course, cut her off. “It’s quite alright Clarke, I would prefer we ride together as well.”

With nothing more to be said, Lexa made the first move to open the door, and held it open for Clarke, which made her swoon. She kept her head down when she was walking past Anya, like these women needed any more chances to show Clarke how easily they could fluster her. As quickly as the elevator doors were opened they were closed, and Clarke couldn’t help but feel extremely uncomfortable trapped in a small space with the very gorgeous looking Lexa. She swore the elevator was against her too, because it was going _so_ slow. 

LEXA

Lexa was somewhat enjoying how easily she could fluster Clarke, but decided to put her out of her misery and break the tension in the elevator by speaking. “My car, or your car, Clarke?” She didn’t miss the grateful smile that crossed Clarke’s face, and Lexa wanted nothing more than to be the cause of that smile for as long as possible.

“Would you mind if we took my car? It has the button to open my garage and everything in it.”

“That’s fine Clarke.” Lexa couldn’t help but feel giddy, she was going to be with Clarke for the rest of the day, she hadn’t felt so quickly attracted to anyone since Costia, quickly pushing that out of her head she refocused on Clarke. She could see Clarke’s brain working at 100 miles a minute, she already knew her tells, Lexa could tell she wanted to say something, “whatever you want to ask me Clarke, please, feel free.” 

She saw the light pink spread up Clarke’s neck and onto her ears and she very subtly smiled to herself. 

“I was just wondering, the name of your company, _’Raitnes Law Firm’_ , 'raitnes' is not English, is it?”

“No Clarke, it’s not, but that’s a story for another time.” 

CLARKE

Another time? Meaning Lexa wanted to have ‘another time’ with Clarke? She could feel the smile pulling at the corners of her lips but she willed herself to control it and look unfazed. _Finally_ the doors to the bottom level opened, and Clarke couldn’t help but skip out of the elevator. She walked passed the front desk and out to her car, deciding to return Lexa’s chivalry and open the door for her. Running back around and getting in herself she started the engine, only to want to immediately turn it off again when the last song she was playing through her phones Bluetooth started up again, Somo’s ride. She just about punched the button that changed it to the radio, and she felt her whole body go extremely warm, and so she turned up the air-conditioning as well. 

Lexa seemed to pretend she didn’t just witness what she did, and Clarke would have believed she was unaffected, if she didn’t see the girls hands clenched together on her lap, she wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing, but hoping to get this done as quickly as possible, she began the drive over to the hospital.

* * *

On the walk up to Raven’s room, Clarke couldn’t help but feel protective over Raven, and so she voiced her concerns to Lexa. “Lexa I know you would never purposely say anything to hurt Raven, but she’s been through a lot, I have no idea what these questions you need to ask are, but please keep in mind how they’ll make Raven feel.” Lexa looked up at her then, for the first time since the awkward interaction in the car, Clarke could tell that something was off, and she wracked her brain trying to figure out what she did. 

“Of course Clarke.” 

“She’s quite bloodied and bruised as well, just so you are aware.” With nothing more than a nod from Lexa, they entered Raven’s room.

She heard Lexa’s strong voice turn somewhat comforting when she addressed Raven, and begun to explain what she was there for. Clarke was grateful. 

“So if you’re both ready, I just have to ask some basic questions about each of you, Clarke if you’d like to go first, can you just give me your full name and date of birth.” And so Clarke rattled off the information, and so did Raven. 

“Clarke, could you please inform me of any previous marriages, current committed partnerships and/or any divorces that you have had.” Clarke took a large gulp at that question, she wasn’t really expecting any relationship questions, though it made sense, this wasn’t just her life anymore, it was hers and Raven’s. 

“Yes, well um, I was engaged until about 7 months ago, to Finn Collins, but we are no longer together.” She decided to add in, “I’m not seeing anyone at the moment.” Lexa scribbled something down on her page and seemed to grip the pen a little harder than necessary. Clarke and Raven then answered a series of questions regarding their health and various other questions about Clarke’s house and financial situation. Lexa seemed to be withholding a question though, Clarke could see her glancing back to this one spot on the page, and Clarke wondered what the question could be that it was making her so uncomfortable. 

It seemed as though she had no more questions to ask other than one more, and so she turned to ignore Clarke and instead face Raven.

“Raven, I have to ask, and I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable in any way, but I need to know your sexual orientation.” She could see the surprise on Raven’s face at that one, and the flash of fear cross her face. 

RAVEN

Raven had never thought deeply into her sexual orientation, it had always just been that she liked girls and boys. She never had someone sit down with her and have _the talk_ , and so she was shit scared that if she said the wrong thing Clarke would be disgusted in her and not want to care for her anymore. She was so stuck, and Clarke seemed to notice. Clarke walked over to her and grasped her hand, kneeling to the side of her bed, Raven appreciated the small gesture, Clarke was getting on her level. 

“Raven, sweetie, you can tell us, there is no judgement from either of us okay, I’ll still think your amazing no matter your answer.” Clarke looked back over to Lexa and then back to Raven, and softly said, 

“I’m bisexual, so no matter what you say Raven, know that I support it 100%”

Raven let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding, she was pretty sure that meant that Clarke liked both genders, she did too, “that means you like both, right?” 

Clarke looked at her questioningly then, “has no one ever spoken to you about this before Raven?” Raven felt the shame wash over her again, she let out a small barely audible whisper. 

“No, but I like both.” Clarke gently touched either side of Raven’s face then, and pulled her up to look into Clarke’s eyes. 

“When you come home with me, you can ask me anything you want, I will answer any question you have about anything, okay?” Clarke was smiling then, Raven didn’t think she had ever had someone touch her so softly, and she found herself closing her eyes and relishing in Clarkes touch for a moment. “Okay Clarke.” 

LEXA

Lexa zoned out after hearing that Clarke was bisexual, she was so certain after hearing that song play in Clarke’s car, and her admission to being almost married to a man, that she was straight, it’s why she had been so distant to the girl since the car, she felt bad for basically ignoring her. Zoning back in she saw Clarke softly touching either side of Raven’s face, and she felt her heart melt, Clarke was going to be a great parent figure for Raven, she could already tell. 

Lexa jotted down both of the girls information they had just supplied, and found herself wanting to admit something as well. 

“Well I’m lesbian, so between the three of us, I think we make up a pretty diverse unit, huh.” She chuckled slightly and watched Clarke’s facial expression, it went from pleasantly surprised to somewhat lustful, and Lexa knew exactly what the girl was thinking about. 

Before she could comment further, she heard the teasing voice of Raven. 

“Damn, did someone say love heart eyes, why don’t you two lovebirds go inspect the house then.” She saw Ravens over exaggerated wink, and she now understood Clarke’s comment on Raven being snarky. 

Apparently recovering quickly, Clarke seriously added, “it’s not a house Raven, it’s your home.” 

Lexa couldn’t stop the small smile that erupted on her face, Clarke was so caring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to keep writing and add in the 'house inspection' scene, but decided against it. Also, Raitnes Law Firm huh? Anyone get it? If not, it will be explained later.  
> Hate it? Love it? Let me know! All kudos/comments appreciated.


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late where I am, (Australia), I wanted to get the chapter out before tomorrow and so if there's any mistakes i'm sorry!
> 
> Happy reading!

Parking in the garage and heading towards the door into the house, Clarke prayed she had left her home in somewhat of a clean condition, she was a mostly clean person, which wasn’t too difficult because it was only herself to clean up after. Holding the door open for Lexa to walk into, she sighed in relief as she glanced around her open plan kitchen, everything was mostly in order. She just hoped that Lexa didn’t want to open her fridge. 

Clarke wasn’t really sure what Lexa was looking for in her ‘inspection’, she had no open wires or cracks in the walls, she loved this house. Walking Lexa through to the lounge room, her ‘office’ and the 2 decent sized, mostly empty rooms, she noticed Lexa just ticking things off, not really doing any writing, which Clarke thought would have to be good news. 

They made their way upstairs and Clarke again directed Lexa around, “Clarke, have you thought of which room Raven would take, it is necessary I perform a full inspection of the room.”

“Oh, I just figured I’d let her choose you know?”

“Of course, everything in the house seems fine either way, so I will trust you to ensure Raven’s room is safe and functional. Are all of your smoke alarms operational?” 

Clarke thought back to a few days ago, when she had become so incredibly bored she had decided to try her hand at baking, somehow she managed to burn the ‘cake’ into a hard brick, Clarke was waving tea towels and opening windows simultaneously trying to get the smoke alarms to shut up, so without a second thought, she laughed, “yes, they are extremely operational, don’t you worry about that.” 

 

LEXA

Lexa couldn’t help but chuckle along with Clarke, it sounded like there was a funny story behind what she just said, but Lexa let it drop. 

Taking another scan around the house, Lexa noticed the incredible artworks decorating the walls. She was no artist, but she could certainly appreciate it when she saw it, she was rather obsessed with a few different painters, regularly getting commissions done, but, these were something else, there was so much emotion and depth in each one, Lexa struggled to pull her eyes away from one particularly sorrowing picture. 

On it, was a father and a daughter, the daughter somewhat resembling Clarke, if she was around the age of 12. They were laying hand-in-hand, in a field littered with tiny blue flowers, the father was looking up to the sky, as if searching for something, and the daughter was staring at the side of her father’s face, Lexa imagined the daughter was trying to memorise it, so she would never forget it. 

She didn’t realise how long she had been staring at it, that in itself was a testament to the quality of the piece, until she heard Clarke’s feet shuffling, and looked up to see her wringing her hands. 

“My apologies Clarke, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting, I just,” deciding she would speak her mind, “this painting, it’s just incredible, I mean look at the tiny details the artist has added, and the father and daughters faces are just so captivating, I can feel the story behind it even if I don’t know what it is just yet.” Slightly out of breath and embarrassed by her love for this art, she didn’t look up to see Clarke’s face. 

 

CLARKE

Clarke noticed Lexa’s staring, she was looking at a particular piece Clarke had cried over and perfected for months, she felt somewhat exposed, she rarely had visitors and so it was an uncomfortable first experience for Clarke to have someone inspect her work, especially when this piece carried her heart and soul along with it. 

She heard Lexa’s apology and then her incessant rambling about how much she loved the painting, _her_ painting. Clarke had never had someone talk about her art with so much passion before. She felt a warmth radiate throughout her entire being, igniting her heart. She looked up to meet Lexa’s eyes, and she started listing all the colours it would take to get the green just right, her hands were itching to paint Lexa’s eyes. 

She glanced down to her plump, pink lips, oh how she wanted to capture them with her own. She felt Lexa’s eyes on hers then and she shyly looked down, knowing she had been caught again. 

“Clarke.” _god_ she needs to stop saying my name like that. 

“Yes, Lexa.” Looking up and meeting her eyes, she noticed Lexa look down to her lips, _she wants to kiss me too_ , and so without a moment’s hesitation, she all but threw herself at Lexa, crashing their lips together. 

She felt Lexa tense beneath her, and so she began to draw back, but before she could Lexa’s hand was wrapped around the back of her neck and pulling her back in, their lips meeting for a second time. It was all messy teeth and lips in the first few seconds, both women charting new territory, though it didn’t take long for them both to gather a rhythm, moving in sync with the other. 

Clarke all but latched on to Lexa’s jacket, pulling her even closer, she swore she could feel her heartbeat in her lips, her whole body was thrumming. She began tracing wet hot kisses along Lexa’s beautifully defined jaw line, then down her neck and along her collarbone, before reattaching them to Lexa’s lips.

Lexa’s hands were trailing up Clarke’s sides, along her rib cage and then to her hips. Clarke couldn’t help but imagine her hands under her clothes, and how magical it would feel, she wished Lexa could read her mind. 

Clarke hadn’t been touched so intimately since Finn, it had been months, and so it didn’t take long for her hunger to take over, she was almost desperate for Lexa’s touch. She pushed even harder into the kiss, her whole body firmly flush against everything Lexa. 

Lexa must have noticed, because she started to slow the kiss down, lightly pushing back against Clarke before detaching herself completely. 

Both women were out of breath and panting, blood flowing excitedly through them. After a couple seconds Clarke realised what she had just done, her apparent post kiss bliss lasted all of 30 seconds before she immediately began to over think, what if Lexa didn’t even want to kiss her? She had basically just attacked the poor women.

“I’m sorry Lexa, I- I don’t know what came over me.” 

LEXA

Lexa’s heart felt as if it were all but beating out of her chest, she was worried that Clarke may even be able to hear it. Immediately she began to scrutinise her decision of ending the kiss, Clarke felt so good against her. Clarke started apologising and so she re-focused, pulling her mind from the gutter.

“Clarke,” but Clarke wouldn’t look up at her, so she said more forcefully, “Clarke, look at me.” 

When Clarke’s eyes met hers, she couldn’t help but think that this is what it felt like to be truly living. She had a beautiful women standing opposite her, Clarke was slightly out of breath, she had kiss swollen lips, lightly ruffled hair and her soft skin was pink all over. Lexa had certainly forgotten the feeling of someone desperately wanting her just as much as she wanted them, it made her feel complete. 

She gently grasped Clarke's face, just like Clarke had earlier with Raven, and lightly kissed her again, pulling minutely away and resting her forehead against Clarke's, she whispered.

“I have wanted to do that all day Clarke, so please don’t second guess yourself, I just wanted us to slow down is all, you already feel like more than _that_ to me.”

She felt Clarke's cheeks tighten under her hands, and she knew that the girl was smiling, she couldn’t help but smile back with her. 

CLARKE

Lexa. Lexa Woods, the _country’s best lawyer_ had wanted to kiss her all day? Clarke was practically buzzing, she felt all her nerve endings responding to Lexa’s touch. Lexa had been so honest with her, and so Clarke decided to return the favour as well. 

“I made that painting you were talking about, you were being so honest and kind and I couldn’t help but want to kiss you.” She leaned back off of Lexa’s forehead and could see the look of astonishment on Lexa’s face, like she didn’t quite believe what Clarke had just said. 

“Clarke, that painting is incredible, in fact they all are.” She watched Lexa ungracefully swing her arms around the room, pointing to all the walls that had paintings hanging on them. “I collect art, but I have never felt so much emotion course through me then when I look at yours.” 

Clarke felt the heat rush to her cheeks, and she looked away shyly, she had never met someone like Lexa before. The amount of feelings she had experienced just being in her presence for less than a day was somewhat terrifying. 

“Clarke, you are amazing.” She felt Lexa’s soft grip pull her closer, and Clarke all but melted into her embrace, Lexa lifted her chin gently, and the kiss was so tender and sweet it made Clarke almost lose her balance. How could Lexa be so professional and strong one moment, and then soft and mushy the next?

The bubble they had just placed themselves in was broken by the classic iPhone call ringtone in Clarke's back pocket going off. Looking up apologetically to Lexa she pulled her phone out and noticed Harper’s name come across the screen. Frowning and wondering why Harper was calling she swiped right and answered the call. 

Harper was speaking in hushed low tones and Clarke wasn’t catching everything she was saying, growing agitated she told the nurse to take a breath and slow down. She then clearly heard Harper say that some foster care inspector by the name of Charles Pike was trying to take Raven to a group home with him. 

Clarke felt the blood drain from her body, followed by extremely unpleasant pins and needles. She yelled into the phone telling Harper to stall and that she’d be at the hospital in 10 minutes. 

Quickly turning to Lexa she informed her of the situation while running around and grabbing her purse and keys. 

“I’m coming with you Clarke.” 

She just nodded and they both ran to the car and were gone before the garage door closed behind them.

* * *

CLARKE 

“Clarke I need you to take a deep breath and calm yourself down.”

“No Lexa we need to get inside right now.” She felt Lexa grip her arm and she tried to tear herself away, but Lexa was too strong. 

“Clarke, I am a family lawyer, I know how this works, please just trust me. Before we can go in, I need you to calm down, how do you think it would look for you to go in there like this?” 

Stopping her pathetic attempt at trying to pry Lexa’s finger off of her she gave herself a moment to compose herself, Lexa was right, going in angry and upset wasn’t going to help Raven. She took a few deep breaths and started to feel the tightness in her chest lessen. 

“Good Clarke, I have all the documents required for this to be complete, however this is going to be a little tricky, so please let me do the talking.” Meeting Lexa’s pleading eyes she decided to place her faith in her, Clarke had no idea what she was walking into. 

She watched Lexa straighten her already impeccably ironed clothes, Lexa’s face transformed into what Clarke could only describe as, ‘lawyer face’. Clarke grew somewhat scared of that face, she much preferred soft Lexa. 

Clarke looked down at her somewhat rumpled clothes and also straightened hers, she was grateful that she had dressed professionally for her meeting with Lexa. She glanced over and met Lexa’s green eyes, she offered her a small nod. Feeling much more confident with Lexa by her side, they entered the hospital side by side.

* * *

RAVEN

She wasn’t really surprised when the big burly man came and told her to get up and get ready to leave. She even expected it, miracles like Clarke don’t just happen. Raven never gets the happy ending, she was destined for doom, and she had grown to accept it. She felt somewhat of a weight lift off of her even, she wouldn’t be around to disappoint Clarke, to turn her life upside down. Raven was a storm and everyone who was caught too close to her would suffer, it’s just who she was and Clarke didn’t deserve that. 

She got up and looked around the small room, she realised then that she literally had nothing with her, no clothes, no personal items, nothing. She wondered if she would be able to go back home and get some things, but she convinced herself they wouldn’t let her, so she wouldn’t be heart broken when they undoubtedly told her no.

She wasn’t sure what to do so she just sat back down on the bed, staring at her feet. 

She wondered if Clarke knew about what was happening, and if she did, whether she would do anything about it. Shaking her head and pinching herself lightly she reminded herself that no one would put that much effort into trying to save her, she wouldn’t even let herself entertain the idea.

Just as she was about to stand up and ask a nurse for some old clothes or something, her door opened and she was basically crash tackled by a frantic Clarke. 

 

LEXA

There were times when Lexa hated her job, although it could be extremely rewarding, there were also evil people out there, one of which was named Charles Pike. His name had surfaced a few times over the years, and none of the stories were because of how great a man he was. 

Lexa was helpless in doing any good because no matter how hard she tried no one seemed willing to talk. She knew that this was not going to be an easy exchange, however she knew that legally, Clarke had every right to be taking Raven home with her. 

As Lexa and Clarke turned the corner to Raven’s room, they both came face to face with Charles Pike. He was a ginormous man, all muscles and a figure of authority, but that would not faze Lexa in the slightest. 

Clarke didn’t pay Charles a second glance and all but barged into Raven’s room, she saw her embrace a shocked Raven. 

CLARKE

When Clarke collided with Raven she immediately wrapped the girl up in her arms, cradling her head against her chest. She felt her pulse begin to lessen its pounding, her mind started to calm down, Raven was in her arms with her, there was still a chance this could all work out. 

She really had no idea what she was doing, how she was going to care for Raven, be someone for her to look up to, but she would be damned if she didn’t keep her promise. She was going to get Raven home, she would never let the girl go anywhere.

“I thought I was too late Raven, I thought he had already taken you, I’m so glad you’re still here, god I swear I’m never letting you out of my sight again, I’m so sorry.”

She began lightly rocking them both side to side, Clarke found it comforting and she was hoping Raven would too. She looked down then, Raven seemed to be unblinking, extremely deep in thought, but Clarke understood that this was a messy situation, and so she let Raven stay in her own little bubble. 

RAVEN

Was her mind playing sick tricks on her now too, or was Clarke here, holding her? Raven had never experienced something that shocked her into silence, she was a very vocal person. But Clarke coming for her, telling her that she was sorry and that she was glad she was still here? There were no words. 

How could you explain that you had never had someone hold you so closely before? That no one had ever cared enough to drop everything and rush and help you? That you weren’t sure this was even happening because you wouldn’t allow yourself to have any hope?

Closing her eyes and letting her mind run blank, she allowed herself to just relish in this moment, to soak it all up. Because she knew there was still a chance that this could all turn sour, Raven could still walk out of here with the man and not Clarke. 

LEXA

Lexa allowed herself a moment of mental preparation before cutting directly to the point. Lexa begrudgingly held out her hand for Charles to shake, she knew he wouldn’t entertain her, but she wanted people to know she was here being civil. 

“Hello Mr Pike, my name is Lexa Woods, I completed Miss Griffins license earlier today, and I have all the documentation on hand for her to become Raven’s carer, we apologise for wasting your time, but there is really no need for you to be here. Miss Griffin is happy to take Raven home right now.” Lexa glanced over her shoulder and looked to Clarke who was nodding vigorously. 

“I know who you are Lexa,” he all but spat the name from his mouth, in fact Lexa swore she saw saliva land on the hospital floor, she felt her body grimace in disgust. 

“and I also know that you are out to get me, but I assure you, no one will ever talk to you, because I do nothing wrong.” He was smirking, and Lexa had to refrain herself from punching it off his face, she could see the criminal in his eyes, she just needed someone to be willing to stand against him. 

Lexa wondered if her being here was in fact detrimental to Clarke and Raven, this was obviously personal, Charles would exert his dominance over Lexa, and Clarke would surely be caught in the cross fire. 

“Mr Pike, I will say this once, and once only, if you do not allow Raven to go home with Clarke today, I will become Raven’s independent children’s lawyer and you _will_ lose.” She looked Charles dead in the eyes, to further prove how serious she was. 

“Raven has been exposed to violence, which makes her a highly sensitive case. She has a more than willing carer here, with all the documentation and necessary meetings completed. How do you think the court would view your behaviour? You would be wasting their time, and I know that they don’t appreciate that conduct, are you willing to sacrifice your dignity, over a personal grudge against me?” 

Charles faulted slightly, his jaw gutted out and then clenched, and Lexa knew she had won. She could see him trying to formulate an answer, but apparently he decided against it and instead handed Lexa the paperwork he was holding, before angrily bumping against her shoulder on his way out. 

In any other situation she would have disabled the person immediately, but this time was different, Clarke and Raven were just inside the door, and Lexa didn’t want to make their situation any worse, and so she just bit her lip and took a deep breath, swallowing her hatred for the man, and walked into the threshold of Ravens room. 

CLARKE

Raven was lightly whimpering into Clarke’s chest, but she could still overhear everything that was being said. Lexa’s voice was on the verge of yelling, but Clarke could tell she was being careful in controlling it, maintaining her composure and authority. She heard Lexa practically growl at the man, she sounded positively possessed and cut throat, Clarke made a mental note to never piss Lexa off. 

This experience must be terrifying for Raven, her future was literally resting in another person’s hands. Clarke was impressed at the girl’s ability to stay composed, if the roles were reversed she was sure she would be a nervous blubbering wreck. It made her wonder just how much Raven had grown to tolerate, was she concealing it all inside of her, or was she just numb to this? 

She was cut from her thoughts when Lexa walked into the room. Clarke watched as some of the tension left Lexa’s body, she must have found some calmness in the sight of her and Raven clutching each other. She watched a small smile play on her lips, and Clarke knew that Lexa had won the exchange. Nudging Raven lightly she told her that it was time to go home. Clarke felt herself become giddy, this was really happening, and she couldn’t wait. 

Raven looked up at her as if she was speaking a foreign language, Clarke was going to repeat herself until she saw Raven nod once.

* * *

The drive back home was somewhat surreal, Raven was sitting in the back, staring out the window, Lexa was beside her in the passenger seat, resting her hands gently in her own lap, light tunes were filtering through the car. Despite everything that had just happened, Clarke swore this was the best she had felt in months. This is exactly where she wanted to be in life. She made a vow to herself then, that if she ever felt like everything was too much and she wanted to give up, to look back and reflect on this moment and to remember how good and right everything felt. 

She pulled into her garage and the other two women followed her inside. Raven’s eyes were filled with wonder and bewilderment, and Clarke felt the need to remind her that this was in fact real and happening. 

“Welcome home Raven.” She watched as she just nodded, and Clarke began to understand that it would take more than having a house for the girl to think of it as her home. 

Lexa wished both girls goodnight and slowly made her way to the front door. Clarke caught on and told Raven to take a seat and that she’d be back in a moment. 

They were hidden behind a wall from Raven’s point of view, and so Clarke grasped one of Lexa’s hands, “thank you for what you did, Raven wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.” 

“I’m just glad she is home with you Clarke, there is no need to thank me. I will sort out all the paper work and get your license back to you as soon as possible.”

“Okay, thank you again Lexa.” She lent up on her toes and gave Lexa a light kiss on the cheek, unsure whether anything more was appropriate. “Wait, your car is back at your office, how are you getting home?”

“I’ve already called Anya, Clarke, she’ll be here in a moment.” Clarke wondered when that call was made, Lexa was so stealthy. Just as she went to close the door on a retreating Lexa, she wondered how she would contact her. As she went to voice her concerns, she heard a chuckling Lexa, “I have your number saved Clarke, don’t worry, I’ll call you soon.” 

Somewhat dumfounded by a knowing Lexa, she wondered if she could in fact read Clarke's mind. Smiling dumbly, she went to walk back into the kitchen where Raven was waiting, and that’s when it all hit her like a truck. She had another person in the house with her, another person that Clarke was meant to care for, she had no idea where to begin. 

She began a slow unsure walk to Raven, trying to play off her nerves. 

“I suppose I should give you an official tour of the house hey? You can pick your room, I’ve got three empty ones.” 

RAVEN

It started to feel real the moment she sat down on the bar stool in Clarke's kitchen, that is when it all came to her that this was going to be the house she lived in until Clarke no longer wanted her. She heard Clarke tell her that she was going to give her a tour, and that she could pick a room, a room to be her permanent bedroom. She just nodded numbly, she couldn’t seem to be able to communicate, this was all so overwhelming. 

Staring wide eyed around the house she placed her hands on the solid wood of the island bench in the kitchen and hoisted herself up onto her feet. Swallowing deeply, she began her tour. The walls were a crisp white and were covered in colourfully framed paintings, Raven marvelled in them for a moment before paying her attention back to Clarke. 

Her bare feet could feel the cold tiles beneath them, and she was glad when her feet hit a slight step down into a carpeted entertainment area. It had a large plasma TV, along with all the additional speakers, and a very large book case that was stacked to the brim with what Raven thought to be every movie to ever exist in it. There was 2 long, extremely comfy looking couches and a wooden coffee table. 

Walking back past the kitchen Clarke directed her down a hallway to where there were 3 doors, Clarke told her the one on the right was her office but the other 2 on the left were empty. They entered the first room and Raven had to grab the wall to ground herself, the room was huge, it had an en-suite bathroom off to the side as well, she had never seen such luxury before, it was astounding. 

She finally found her voice and asked Clarke if she could use this room, Clarke replied with a large grateful smile and a promise of a shopping trip tomorrow, so that Raven could get everything she needed. She almost told Clarke that that would require money, of which she had none, but decided against it for the time being. 

The other downstairs room was much the same just without the en-suite. They made their way up the stairs and Clarke showed her to her bedroom, and then the last room, which apart from a few paintings and an easel was mostly empty as well. 

She was cut from her day dreaming when Clarke told her she could sleep in Clarke’s bed for the night. Raven almost gawked at Clarke, she would not take her bed. 

“I won’t take your bed from you Clarke.”

Clarke just waved her hand like it didn’t bother her in the slightest, but Raven still felt the churning in her gut, Clarke was amazing, but what if she came back to her bed in the middle of the night when Raven was asleep? What if she… 

Squeezing her eyes shut and willing the painful images that were engulfing her to go away, she tried to remind herself that not everyone was like her step father, though it was proving to be unsuccessful. She felt the familiar signs of a panic attack encroaching, she was in a strange place with a strange person, and it all started to weigh down on her, she was suffocating. She tried to slow her breathing but she felt like her body was on fire, she couldn’t sort out what to fix within herself before another issue would arise. 

She just sunk to the floor and buried her head in between her knees and prayed that the images would stop. 

CLARKE

Clarke watched as a series of emotions crossed Ravens face at Clarke offering her bed to her. She didn’t think it was a big deal at all, Clarke would just sleep on the floor or the couch. 

Raven began to breathe fast and heavy, and Clarke wondered if the girl was okay. Just as she was about to reach out and touch her she saw Raven squeeze her eyes shut, much like she had earlier at the hospital. Clarke knew what that meant, Raven was trying to will away nasty thoughts. That’s when Clarke put two and two together, she wanted to punch herself in the face at how stupid she was, _she thinks I’m going to rape her_. 

She was thankful for her training of being a Doctor, as she recognised the signs of a panic attack immediately. Raven would need to focus on controlling her breathing before anything Clarke could say would have any impact on her. Keeping a slight distance, she sat down in front of Raven with her palms face up in front of her, wanting Raven to see her in the least threatening way possible. She began repeatedly telling Raven that she was safe, that she was a Doctor and that she could help her, it took her 4 rounds for Raven to look up to her. 

She was sweating, shaking and crying, Clarke wanted nothing more than to take the girls pain away. She told Raven to follow her breathing, and so Clarke matched Raven’s rapid breaths and slowly started to decrease them, it took a full 3 minutes before Raven could breathe normal again. 

“You’re doing so well Raven, just keep breathing nice and slow for me okay?” Ravens eyes were shut again, and so she attempted to reassure the girl as much as possible.

“I’m so sorry I made you uncomfortable Raven, I swear I did not mean anything other than you sleeping in my bed, but I understand that it was a stupid thing to say, I want you to feel safe Raven, please tell me what I can do to help.” Ravens eyes were red and raw when she opened them, she looked so exhausted, her back was pressed against the wall and she was slumped over. 

Clarke went to get up to get her some water, but Raven jumped back, scared. Clarke put her hands up, open palmed again, “I was just going to get you some water, or would you prefer me to sit back down again? Whatever you want Raven.” 

Raven nodded more with her eyes then her head, and Clarke carefully made her way down the stairs and to the fridge, grabbing an ice cold water bottle for herself and Raven, and then climbed the stairs again. Raven seemed to be somewhat more back to herself, Clarke sat down again in front of her and handed her the water. Raven greedily drunk half the bottle in just a few gulps, and followed with a few more steadying breaths. 

“I want to trust you Clarke, and I’m sorry I’m so fucked up, but I just can’t, not yet. This is all so overwhelming, and I guess that was just the tipping point.”

“First of all, you are not fucked up Raven, you’re a strong woman that has been through hell and back, your strength already astounds me. Secondly, I believe that we can make this work, we just need to communicate, but right now we both need to get some sleep. So Raven, what are our sleeping arrangements? Remember, anything you want that will make you feel safe, okay?”

“I really want this to work too Clarke. Can I just- can we-“ Letting out a huff of frustration she followed with “I’m sorry.”

Clarke gave the girl some time to get her thoughts in order, there was no point in adding to her little speech, she got everything out that she wanted to. 

“Can you sleep on the floor in your room? And can I sleep in the bed? I just- I don’t want to be alone right now, I don’t think I could share a bed with you, and I can’t stand the thought of you being above me while I’m on the ground.” 

Clarke just smiled, she could do that. “I have a blow up mattress made for this occasion, you rummage through my drawers and find something to sleep in yeah? I’ll go get the mattress all set up and then bring it in, I’ll knock and wait for you to say okay?” 

Raven nodded and smiled gratefully, Clarke swore she would do whatever she could to make it happen more frequently. 

Once everything was set up and both girls were laying in their respective beds, Clarke wished Raven a good night’s sleep and Raven returned it. With the thought of Lexa’s secret smile and green eyes, Clarke easily drifted off to sleep.


	4. Part 4

RAVEN

 _Raven spent a lot of time in her bedroom, when she wasn’t at school or wherever else she went to pass some time, she would be sitting across from her closed bedroom door, wiling whatever gods there were, for no one to open it._

_She was sitting at her desk inside of her small room, finishing off her maths homework when she heard the crashing and bumping of two people entering through the front door. She closed her eyes and focused on her hearing, she could overhear her mother and step-father laughing and carrying on, they were obviously drunk and more than likely high, which for Raven was not a good combination._

_Trying to keep her breathing in check she turned off her bedroom light and flicked on her bedside lamp, it illuminated the room in a light glow, dark shadows were cast along the walls, she hoped by them seeing no light under the door they would leave her alone._

_Things went south quickly, she heard the loud booming of her step-fathers voice fill the house, swallowing up any hope that Raven would be left in peace for the night. He was taunting her, telling her to make herself useful and make them dinner. Glancing at her clock she noted the time, 11pm. She had completely forgotten about food for herself, so maybe she could cook herself something as well._

_She made her way out of her room and into the kitchen, not acknowledging the two drunks in hope that they too would not notice her. All hope faded for a somewhat decent night when his slurred voice addressed Raven._

_“Oi! Get yourrr cute butt over ‘ere and get me a cigarette and… and a lighter! Your mother and me need em’.”_

_Looking to her mother for confirmation she saw the familiar nod she would give, she never did ever attempt to defend Raven against him, he controlled her completely._

_Always looking to impress her drunk of a mother she quickly found the cigarettes and a lighter and brought them over, handing them over to them before making her way back to the kitchen. She scrounged through the empty cupboard for something to make, and was happy when she managed to pull out some pasta and a jar of spaghetti sauce. It wasn’t a difficult task and so she quickly had the pasta boiling, she just needed to wait for it to be done before she could add the sauce._

_She attempted to block out the drunk ramblings that were surrounding her and instead focussed on the parts she would need to gather for her upcoming science project, making a mental checklist. She was cut from her thoughts when her name was called, which was a rarity, she thought they had both forgot her name._

_“Raven, come ‘er, I need…” he was giggling some sick, gurgling noise that made Raven want to run, “I need an ash tray.”_

_Confused she made her way over, they had an ash tray in front of them on the table they were sitting at. She met her mother’s eyes and all she could see was an apology already written behind them._

_Her shoulder was grabbed then, and held steady by a large hand, she turned to face her step-father, but stopped halfway when she felt the burning of her skin under his cigarette butt. She quickly tried to pat it away and noticed that her shirt had melted into her skin. Trying to contain her screams she ripped her shoulder away from the laughing man and ran to the sink, desperately trying to soothe the burning with cold water._

_“That’s all ya ever will be useful as Raven! Don’t ya forget it!”_

_She cried herself to sleep that night, the smell of bourbon, burnt flesh and cotton not making the task any easier. She was haunted that night in her dreams, not of the pain she had felt, but of the sickening, cruel laughter that had erupted from his throat while he was doing it._

_She learnt time and time again, on her shoulders, on her back, on her thighs, that she was nothing to that man other than a toy for his game of cruelty, each burn represented another blow to her will to continue, she would now forever be reminded of what she had endured, there was no escaping it._

Raven awoke to a worried blonde leaning over her, holding her arms down. They were quickly released and the bed dipped back up from where the weight had left the bed. Regaining her bearings everything came back to her, Clarke, the hospital, where she was. She felt her thumping heart begin to lessen its pounding, she sat up and was disgusted when she felt the bed sheets stick to her, she had a large circle of sweat around her. Wiping the hair stuck to her face and whimpering when she accidentally hit her stitches, she heard the tired voice of Clarke, “it’s just me here Raven, you’re safe.”

Clarke sat on the edge of the bed and passed Raven her bottle of water from the bedside table and switched on the lamp, Raven noticed her breathing becoming less erratic and her mind drifting back into the now. She was embarrassed, it was her first night with Clarke and she couldn’t even get through it without something happening. Closing her eyes and wishing she was anywhere but here, she let out an overused word in her vocabulary, “sorry”. 

Clarke almost sounded angry when she spoke, “you have nothing to apologise for Raven, this isn’t your fault, and I will never” she made a point to look Raven in the eye, “blame you for having a nightmare, I will never be angry, and I promise you, I will always be there for you when you need me.” 

Raven let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding, she spoke more surely, “thank you Clarke, I’m sor-“ shaking her head she continued, “can I change the sheets and have a shower?” 

“Of course, use the en-suite, towels are in there and just grab another set of clothes for the day, the suns almost up, we might as well capitalise on the chance of seeing the sunrise?”

CLARKE

Clarke’s bedroom had a balcony that was rarely used and mostly forgotten about. She was a busy Doctor, she didn’t really care for looking over her backyard and wasting time. 

Opening the curtains and seeing the faint glow of a candy floss pink and barely their orange sky, she stretched her arms above her head and let out a deep sigh. She realised that Raven had a difficult past, but she didn’t realise the repercussions that would continually have on the girl, most likely for the rest of her life. 

Clarke had had her fair share of nightmares after everything, she still finds herself waking up to tear stained cheeks and a shivering body, she doesn’t think she will ever escape them completely, and that makes her heart hurt for Raven, no one deserves to be constantly reminded of their shitty past, sleep is supposed to be comforting. 

She heard light footsteps approaching the balcony and saw Raven in a pair of loose fitting jeans and a long sleeve grey shirt. It wasn’t particularly cold, but Clarke knew that it was often too difficult to wear clothes that showed any skin after the type of incident Raven had went through, it was all too revealing and made you feel too exposed. 

Smiling she gestured Raven to join her, Clarke had a small glass table and a couple chairs that they could use. “Would you like a tea or coffee?”

“Tea please, two sugars and milk.” 

Clarke was silently pleased the girl wasn’t obviously addicted to coffee like she was, she was surprised she was able to form coherent sentences while talking, without the familiar kick of caffeine flowing in her blood stream at this ungodly hour. 

Making her way downstairs and preparing the drinks she wondered whether she should try get Raven to talk to her, about her nightmare, or anything for that matter. She didn’t want to push the girl, but she also wanted to help, it was a difficult balance to try get right. 

Sipping at her heavenly coffee she began to feel the energy seep throughout her, making the stairs an easier task. She slipped through her bedroom door and was mesmerised by the image that was presented to her. 

Raven was standing against the railing of the balcony, leaning over the edge, seemingly trying to get as close to the sky before her as possible. Clarke could see her smiling, she was staring at the sky, obviously captivated by the scene before her. The clouds were aligned diagonally across the sky, like a pedestrian crossing, evenly spaced and beautiful. Light touches of pink were teetering on the edge of each cloud, not fully enveloping it, but still there, waiting to take over. The sky itself was a balayage of dark to light blue, the perfect background for the clouds to stand out against it. 

Clarke took a mental snapshot of the sight before her, and felt the inspiration to paint again take over her. Not wanting to let the warm mugs of joy go cold, or make Raven known to her watching, she pretended to trip on the ground on her way through the door to the balcony. Raven looked up and gratefully took the tea before taking a seat on the chair. 

Maybe it was the scene before them, or the pure look that was on Raven’s face earlier, but Clarke found herself needing to get to know Raven, all thoughts of not wanting to push her gone.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Raven looked back out to the sky and became absorbed by it again before she spoke. 

“I haven’t witnessed many sunrises in my life, but I feel like that’s okay, because here I am, on the cusp of something new, and maybe now this will be a part of my new normal.” She took a large breath out and closed her eyes on the breath in, almost like she was really breathing fresh air for the first time. 

“I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now, and I’m not sure why I’m trying, but it’s as if the air is sweeter here, everything is beautiful. I finally feel like I can breathe without the smell of dirt and bourbon and sadness following my every waking step, does that make any sense?”

Clarke was nodding along, she understood. Finn had tainted this house with his presence, and Clarke was still attempting to wipe every stain of him from her memory, but it was getting easier, and she found herself beginning to be able to function without the reminders of him in everything she did. 

She was building new experiences over old ones, slowing crushing them down into nothing but dust. Yes, sometimes the sadness and pain from the memories over took her, but this house meant more to her then anything that Finn could have done to ruin it, hopefully this house would be the safe haven for Raven that Clarke found in it over time. 

“It makes sense Raven. Let yourself flourish in the peacefulness, let yourself feel safe, you don’t need to watch your back anymore, you don’t need to take care of yourself on your own, let me help.”

Raven nodded her head repeatedly, like she was trying to convince herself that Clarke was right. Clarke knew it would be a difficult thing for Raven to ever trust someone completely again, but she hoped she could be that person for Raven.

* * *

“Raven! You have to flip the pancakes otherwise they’re all going to be black! You have one job!” Clarke was cackling, this deep throated laugh that came from deep down in her belly. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this sort of happiness flowing through her. 

“Yeah well if you knew how to make the batter I wouldn’t have to keep fixing it for you!”  


Raven had a huge smile on her face, she was trying to look annoyed but her mouth couldn’t help but curl upwards, it made Clarke’s heart soar. She grabbed out the ice-cream and maple syrup and divided the edible pancakes between the two. Raven seemed hesitant to eat so Clarke made sure to pile on all of the toppings so Raven would feel comfortable eating as much as she wanted too. In between the mmm’s and ahhhh’s of appreciation from their creation, they mostly ate in a comfortable silence. Clarke felt so much love and affection flowing through her, Raven was helping Clarke just as much as Clarke was Raven. 

“Alright Rae,” Clarke’s eyes widened, the name had just slipped out. “is it okay if I call you Rae?”

“Yeah Clar,” Raven laughed at her attempt to shorten Clarke’s name, “I’m going to have to use my brilliant brain to come up with a better name for you.”

“I’m positive whatever it is it will be fantastic.”

RAVEN

Clarke had the happiest smile Raven had ever seen on her face, she looked so genuinely content and Raven couldn’t help but thrive from it. She had never been surrounded by someone that could radiate so much pure love and joy into every situation, it made her, for the first time, embrace the hope that this would last. She had only been with Clarke for less than a day, but she was already beginning to feel parts of herself being unlocked, it was terrifying, but at the same time, freeing. 

Clarke asked her if she wanted to change before they went shopping, Raven shook her head, the clothes covered all her scars, it made her feel a little more comfortable in her skin. Raven went to the bathroom to have a look at her face, Clarke had told her earlier that the stitches were fine and that the bruising around her eyes was almost gone, and she was right, it just looked like deep bags under her eyes, which wasn’t too different than usual anyway. She looked down to her casted hand and wished she could have it taken off already, it was the most frustrating one of all her injuries. Hitting her arm against the basin and relishing in the pain that radiated up her arm, she sighed and made her way back to Clarke. 

CLARKE

Clarke had somewhat zoned out in the car ride to the shopping centre, she was too focused on everything that she would have to sort out. Clarke would need to have a conversation about school with Raven, and she would have to sort out how she would work around Raven’s schooling. Abby would always miss Clarke’s schooling events, claiming that the hospital needed her and promising that she would be there for the next one, Clarke swore that when she had children she would be there for everything, she planned on keeping her promise. 

Clarke knew that she had quite a decent accumulation of holiday time, she had never missed a shift or used any of her holidays, maybe now would be the perfect opportunity. The hospital would probably be happy for her, they had been urging her to have a break, but she couldn’t allow herself the free time to dwell, so she just ignored them and threw herself into her work even further.

They arrived at the massive shopping complex, Clarke had made a list of all the essentials Raven would need, she had literally only come to Clarke’s house with herself and the clothes on her back. Clarke didn’t mind having to pay for it all, she finally felt like she could spend her money on something that would matter, something her Dad would be proud of. 

They ventured through various isles of bed frames and bedside tables, but Raven would never say yes, she would just look away like she wished she could be anywhere else. It struck Clarke that it wasn’t that Raven didn’t like them, in fact she’s sure she would be happy sleeping on any of them, it was the fact that Clarke had to pay for it, Raven probably felt like a burden. Clarke turned to Raven and caught her eye, she was looking at a particularly simple bed frame, it was just black with two plain bedside tables. As much as Clarke wanted to spoil Raven and give her everything, she thought that maybe buying the cheapest option would make Raven feel somewhat better. 

“You like that one over there Rae?” Clarke nudged her head in the direction of where Raven was looking. 

“Yeah, it’s nice.” It wasn’t nice, it was plain black and the most basic one in the entire shopping centre, but Clarke thought better of pushing Raven, and so she quickly purchased everything that was on display in that area, organising to get it delivered to her house in the afternoon. 

The next stop was everything that Raven would need for schooling, books, bags, pens and everything else. Raven began to look paler and paler every time Clarke would drop something in the basket, always glancing at the price tag. Clarke placed the basket on the ground and turned to Raven, looking her dead in the eye. 

“Raven, stop feeling guilty please, I want to buy this all for you, I have more than enough money, I know this is making you uncomfortable, but I’m going to buy all of this and more. I still need to get you clothes, and if you don’t pick out clothes then I’m going to have to, and I don’t think that would be good for anyone.” Clarke tried to add some humour to lighten the situation, Raven gave her a small smile, it was something. 

“What clothes store do you want to go to?” 

RAVEN

Clarke was spending SO much money, it was making Raven feel sick. No one had ever spent so much money on her. She felt so pathetic, she was making a mental tally of everything she owed Clarke, it was already surpassing $2000, how could she ever repay that? She had nothing to offer, she was just taking and taking, she had always gotten through on her own, never needing anyone else’s help, she was beginning to realise that she really was never getting through, more so barely scraping through life. 

She was desperately trying to hold herself together, but they hadn’t even gotten to the clothes shops yet, of course then was the moment Clarke had to ask her what shops she wanted to go to, Clarke looked so happy, whereas Raven felt like she was trudging through mud, trying to stop herself from sinking further and further down. She didn’t know any shops, she only knew of the second hand stores, there were none of those where they were. 

She didn’t know how to do this, how to be a normal 16-year-old girl, how to be overjoyed at the prospect of a _girls day shopping_ , this just wasn’t who she was. She didn’t realise she was shaking her head, no, or that she had her hands clenched so tightly her hand was throbbing from where she was gripping the plaster of her stupid fucking cast, until Clarke lead her to a chair and sat her down. Clarke was steadying Raven’s breathing, and she started to feel a little more in control, god she was a mess. She didn’t think she had been this emotional in her entire life, she felt so stupid, Clarke was just trying to provide for her. 

“I’m not sure how to do any of this Clarke, I’ve- I’ve never done this before.” She tried to keep her shoulders from slumping, but she was just so tired of pretending that she was okay. 

“I’m sorry Raven, I didn’t realise how stressful this would be for you.” Raven felt another stab to her stomach, Clarke should not be the one apologising, this was her fault. 

“It’s fine, I feel better now, let’s go get some clothes.” She plastered the fakest smile on her face that she could muster, she knew Clarke wouldn’t believe her, but it’s the best she could offer. 

CLARKE

Clarke didn’t believe she was okay at all, in fact she could see all of the gears in Raven’s mind moving in overdrive. Clarke started picking through her brain trying to find a way to make this all easier for Raven, but she couldn’t come up with anything, so she just tried to be as quick as possible with the clothes shopping.

Raven looked as if she was all but about to explode when Clarke picked up a plain singlet for her to try on. Putting it lightly, Clarke was really fucking confused. It was a nice singlet, surely Raven wasn’t that picky? Clarke looked to another singlet that went with a matching pair of shorts, again, Raven looked extremely uncomfortable. 

“Rae, we don’t know each other’s styles yet, I need you to help me pick some clothes please.” Raven was glancing around the store, and her eyes landed on a jeans rack and long sleeve shirts. It was summer, Raven couldn’t always wear those clothes, she would melt. 

“You need some shorts and cool tops Rae, it’s too hot for that stuff.” Clarke pointed over to the small selection of winter clothing. 

Raven was having none of it, barely even acknowledging that Clarke was speaking. It made Clarke take a step back, there must be a reason that she was so against these clothes. She knew wearing large clothes was like a safety blanket after being attacked, but Clarke felt that there was more too it. 

In her short career working as a Doctor, Clarke had come across many teenagers that had all been in accidents, resulting in scarring all over their bodies. They were always self-conscious about them as well, always asking about what creams and lotions she would recommend to help them fade away. Maybe Raven was in the same boat? 

She made the short walk over to Raven and placed her hand on her shoulder, only to have Raven instinctively push her hand away, this was a tell-tale sign of a problem. 

“You can show me Raven, I won’t judge you, I just want to understand how I can help you is all.” 

Raven’s eyes darkened, and Clarke thought she might have overstepped, but Raven began to peel her long sleeve shirt down her shoulder, and Clarke then saw all of these white and pink round lumps, some of the scarring looked quite new. She couldn’t put together why Raven had all these scars on her shoulders and around to her back, they were quite small and you wouldn’t really be able to see them unless someone pointed them out to you. Raven’s tanned skin made them less noticeable. 

“They’re from cigarette’s, he liked to use me as an ash tray.” Raven shrugged her shoulders as if it wasn’t that big of a deal. However, Clarke felt as if her entire body just erupted in flames, she could feel such a strong hate coursing through her body. She began to understand Raven more and more, she was a young woman that had had her self worth ground into nothing, you can only withstand so many hurtful words before you began to believe them, Clarke knew all about that. 

“It’ll never happen again Raven, never.” Clarke never felt so resolutely strong about anything she had ever said before. 

“Pick whatever clothes you want Rae, I’ll grab some summer clothes for you, but you don’t have to wear them until you feel comfortable.” Raven gave her a small smile and walked off in the direction of the winter clothing. Clarke took that time to take a few calming breaths, she couldn’t believe what the brunette had endured, it made her feel sick. She was sure she was just beginning to learn about what Raven had been through, she would have to prepare herself for whatever else Raven would tell her.

* * *

RAVEN

They were finally driving home, shopping was so exhausting. Raven felt calm though, it felt good to tell Clarke about what had happened to her. Clarke instantly understood why she was so hesitant to wear the clothes she was picking for her, it made her feel stupid for putting herself through all the unnecessary stress, she should of just told her straight away. 

Raven wondered if she should ask Clarke if they could visit her old house and whether she could grab some of her belongings, but she wasn’t sure. She didn’t want to upset Clarke, and she wasn’t sure if she could even handle going back there yet herself, who knows what condition the house would be in, was her blood still covering the floors? She felt her body shiver all over just thinking about it. She was happily distracted by Clarke’s text message ring going off, she looked up and watched as Clarke smiled excitedly, it made Raven come to the conclusion that it would be Lexa. She had watched Clarke check her phone repeatedly throughout the day, as if maybe the sound on her phone was broken and didn’t alert her to a message. She wasn’t dumb, she could tell her and Lexa had hit it off. 

“Can you check that for me Rae?” She picked up Clarke’s phone and hit the lock button, the screen illuminated but it wasn’t Lexa’s name, it was Finn. Raven couldn’t read the message because Clarke had her settings to only show _imessage_ , Clarke must have picked up on her stalling because she asked who it was. 

“It says it’s from Finn.” 

Raven observed Clarke’s body immediately freeze up, her fingers clench around the steering wheel and her eyes glaze over. Raven speculated what this Finn had done to make Clarke react in such a positively terrified way. She recognised all the signs that this person was definitely not a welcome part of Clarke’s life. 

She didn’t want to push Clarke and ask any questions, but she felt the need to comfort her somehow, and so she took a giant leap out of her comfort zone, and placed her hand on Clarke’s arm. Clarke initially flinched before she looked down at the hand, then she glanced over to Raven and smiled, her whole body seeming to lose the tension it had only a moment ago. Yeah, maybe Clarke and her could make this work.

* * *

CLARKE

They made it back to the house and walked in to Raven’s new room. Raven had insisted on building the bed frame and all the other things that needed to be constructed. Clarke was more than happy to oblige her, she hated setting things up. Raven looked like she was really enjoying herself, her brow was lightly scrunched and she was surrounded by pages upon pages of instructions, but it looked as if she was in her element, Clarke made a mental note that Raven enjoyed building things. 

She almost forgot about the message she had received in the car, Raven was a welcome distraction from Clarke's reality. Clarke reminded herself it wasn’t just her anymore, she had to think of Raven as well, she had to protect her, and so she walked into the lounge room and planted herself on the couch. She placed her elbows on her knees and took a few stabilising breaths, she could do this, it was just a text message. She swiped across her screen and read the message. 

She felt her body freeze up again, she hated that he could do this to her so easily. Her blood began to pound in her ears like a war drum, her breathing became erratic and uneven, too fast and shallow to be healthy, she couldn’t breathe. Her lungs were burning with the effort of trying to get in enough oxygen, her body was screaming in protest, begging her to breathe. She clasped her hands over each ear trying to somehow hold herself together. But she couldn’t, because she was weak, she was so easily controlled by this monster. He pulled the strings and she danced along with whatever he said. 

She felt her self hatred expand, growing from its position in between her rib cage, she was being consumed from the inside out, slowly but surely suffocated. Deciding to punish herself some more, she took another look at the screen and read it again and again and again. 

**[3:06pm] Finn**

Hey Princess, let me take you out and let’s talk. I know you miss me. 

 

She felt it bouncing around her skull for the rest of the afternoon, his words played on repeat. She hadn’t heard from him in months, the last time was when he caused her life to crash and burn around her. He was bringing everything she had desperately tried to burry away to the surface again, she began to hate him even more. 

Clarke heard a cheer come from the bedroom, and she took a moment to gather herself before she made her way over. She was trained to pull on her _Doctor face_ and inform parents that their children had died, she could certainly play off like that text message had never happened to Raven. 

Raven’s room was set up; she had finished it all pretty quickly. She was sitting at her desk on her wheelie chair and admiring her work, she looked happy and that made Clarke feel accomplished, she had helped cause that smile. 

“So what do ya think Clarke? Like my handy work?” Clarke was soaking up Raven’s joy, and she felt lighter, text message to the back of her brain. 

“It’s great Rae, you’re an incredible craftswoman. I didn’t hear one swear word come from this room, which is unheard of when someone builds anything, I think you deserve some take out and a movie to celebrate your success, huh?”

Raven flourished under Clarke's praise, she often forgot the girl was only 16. Clarke made sure she would reinforce positivity back into Ravens life, she would build her confidence up. 

“Sounds great Griff!” Clarke squinted her eyes, Griff? When had Raven-

“I read your name tag when you were in your Doctor coat, Griff a no go?” Clarke just laughed and shook her head no. Griff is definitely a no go.

* * *

They were curled up on the couch in their respective corners, chomping away at their Thai takeout, watching some movie Raven had picked out when Clarke’s phone began to ring. She watched as Raven immediately glanced over to Clarke, inspecting her reaction, Clarke schooled her features and grabbed the phone. Taking a breath in she looked down at the name. She felt relief and excitement rush through her, Lexa was calling. She quickly swiped across the screen and pushed her phone to her ear. 

“Hi Lexa.” Clarke’s voice came out sounding so small and nervous, she wanted to hit herself in the head. She looked over to Raven and just saw the girl roll her eyes. 

Lexa’s strong reassuring voice warmed Clarke’s soul. “Clarke, hello, how is everything? Sorry I didn’t get a chance to call until now, my day has been extremely busy.” 

Clarke decided to tell her everything apart from the Finn debacle, Lexa didn’t need to know about her ex texting her. They chatted on about their days before Lexa told her that her license was all done, Clarke began to worry, she wouldn’t have any plausible reasons to talk to Lexa anymore after this, and she desperately wanted to keep talking to her. 

“I was thinking, Clarke, that maybe I could come over and cook you and Raven dinner? I would of course bring the license as well; I would love to see how you are both doing.” 

Clarke was nodding her head and had a shit eating grin on her face, but then she remembered that Lexa couldn’t hear her nodding, and so she quickly agreed that she would love that, and that Friday night would be perfect. They both agreed they would text if there were any changes and left it at that before saying goodnight. 

Clarke couldn’t wipe the smile from her face, Lexa was coming over to cook them dinner. Was it like a date? A weird date that involved a child as well? Clarke shook her head; it wasn’t a date. Lexa was just being friendly and following up on Clarke's ability to care for Raven. Whatever the kiss was, it didn’t mean much, they were both emotional from the painting and they both let it cloud their judgment. 

Clarke heard a chuckling Raven sitting across from her, and she was pulled back into the present, which she wasn’t too pleased about, she much preferred to be thinking about Lexa. 

“You’re practically bouncing with excitement, let me guess, the tall scary lawyer is taking you out?” Raven didn’t look upset, in fact she looked happy for Clarke. Clarke had no idea how to play this, and so she just decided that honesty is always the best course of action. 

“She’s actually coming over here Friday night and cooking us dinner.” Clarke tried desperately not to smile, but that made her face do some weird thing and she just decided to embrace the happiness. 

“She seems like someone that knows how to cook, don’t fuck it up, I want her to come back again.” Clarke gasped and swatted at Raven, feigning offence. 

“I can cook too! You just haven’t had the pleasure of tasting my dinners yet!” Clarke was pouting, and lying through her teeth, she really was not a good cook. They both broke out into a laughter, Raven could already tell she was being untruthful. It felt so good to laugh, and to have someone to share it with. Raven and Clarke curled back up onto the couch and continued watching the movie, they both drifted off before it finished.


	5. Part 5

LEXA 

Lexa awoke to the familiar shrieking of her alarm. It was Friday, tonight she was supposed to be cooking dinner for Raven and Clarke. She could already feel the anxiety seeping into her, it was making her question her decision to go. 

This wasn’t who she was, she would normally keep everything strictly professional. She would have lunch with associates and never dinners, she would set an end time to the meeting and never order a bottle of wine for the table, all to ensure they always knew it was not romantic in any way. 

But Clarke? It had been two days of endless pining. She would grin like an idiot whenever she remembered Clarke’s happy voice filtering through the other end of the line, telling Lexa she would love for her to come have dinner. 

Lexa was growing increasingly frustrated at her own lack of self-control, no matter how many runs she went on, or books she threw herself into, she found everything would remind her of Clarke. It was exasperating how quickly she was able to disable Lexa’s hard exterior. 

Glancing at her clock she gasped and hit the bed with her fist, she was running 15 minutes behind her schedule, apparently she had been thinking of Clarke longer then she thought. With a huff of frustration, she got up and began her day. 

She hastily made her way out of her room and was growing increasingly irritated at the state of her headphones, she was all but about to tear them apart when she heard her front door click shut. She instantly stilled her movements and analysed the sounds, she determined it was probably her sister, though it was unusual of her to come over in the mornings before work, unless there was something that needed to be brought to Lexa’s attention immediately. 

She cautiously made her way past her kitchen when she heard the tell-tale sounds of her sister swearing under her breath, confirming her thoughts just prior. 

“Morning sissy, I thought you would be halfway around your track by now?” Anya glanced down at her watch to check that she was indeed seeing the correct time, she then turned her head slightly off centre and gave Lexa a very calculating look. 

“Your blondie is throwing you off your game, isn’t she?” A devilish smirk erupted onto her sister’s face, Lexa tried to look as nonchalant as possible. 

“She is doing nothing of the sorts Anya, why are you here?” Anya just rolled her eyes and completely disregarded the end of Lexa’s sentence. 

“You’re obviously pining, but whatever you say,” Anya made a point to lift her knee to take some of the weight she was holding, Lexa became aware of the small box and folders that she had, “help me with these files.” 

"I'm not pining, Anya." Lexa rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated by her sister’s words, she made her way over and took the folders off her sister before placing them down on her kitchen table. 

"Yeah and water isn't wet." 

Trying to ignore her Lexa swept up the folder and began studying it. She let out a deep sigh, yet another set of divorced parents fighting over custody for their children. 

“Seriously? More of these?” She held up the papers she was holding and slumped her shoulders. 

Lexa had seen this a million times, it was extremely disheartening. Most parents couldn't last past their child's 3rd birthday before they couldn't stand one another any longer. It just further solidified her thoughts of love being nothing but a temporary feeling, a fleeting lapse of judgment that ultimately ended with unlucky children.

She had grown up surrounded by distaste and hate for the majority of her early life, she had held onto the idea of love for as long as she could, but being continuously pushed to the corner never gave her the opportunity to let it grow and flourish. 

As she grew, she began to understand things a little better, work out things for herself, it brought a sense of calm that she had never experienced before. She allowed herself to be fascinated by the world, she found herself feeling at peace when surrounded by nature, and so she let it guide her, and it directed her to someone she had never expected to meet.

Besides her sister, she had only felt love for another person once before. 

She had opened her heart completely, but like most things in Lexa’s life, it was crushed and ripped apart, she had sworn to never subject herself to that kind of pain again. 

She learnt that depending on another person for comfort or solace _was_ weakness. 

Love was a luxury she would never allow for herself again, Anya was her family and the only person in this world she could trust.

That’s how she began to question her decision to go to Clarke's for dinner that night. What were her intentions? 

Lexa had stupidly kissed her back, she had let Clarke’s joyful personality overwhelm her, she allowed Clarke to have a peak into a part of herself she had sworn to lock away years ago, she had been weak. Could Lexa re-establish boundaries that had so quickly been blurred? 

The thought of cancelling her dinner plans jumped into her mind, however that would be rude, Lexa was a lot of things, but she would never allow herself to treat something beautiful as less then it deserved. She could manage to get through the dinner, she was sure. 

She would just act as if she was nothing but an acquaintance that cared how Clarke and Raven were doing in their new living circumstances. She was following up, taking her professional duty to the next level. She did care about Raven's future after all. 

“Woah, where did you just go?” Anya’s head was tilted off centre and her eyes were wide and speculating. 

Lexa didn’t respond, her rattled mind finally caught up with her, and the confusion set in, why was Anya here? There was no need for her to bring these files to Lexa. She could handle this case in her sleep. The only reason she was looking at it was because the client had obviously payed more than usual to get Lexa to be the one handling it, she mostly just ran the operations of her company. 

Anya must have noticed Lexa’s confused facial expressions, because she began to explain the unspoken question. 

“Look, Lexa,” Anya let out a deep sigh, like it almost pained her to speak, “Pike has been digging around trying to get something on you, we don’t think he’s found anything, but it is worrying.” She gave Lexa a knowing look. 

“It would be best if you avoided the office until things settle down, I brought this over to keep you occupied.”

She knew there would be repercussions for her actions after publicly humiliating Pike, but she still felt somewhat hurt. She had built her business from nothing, she had invested her life into its success, and for someone to try and tarnish her impeccable reputation? That was enraging. 

She had no doubt she would destroy Pike when the time presented itself. She understood she couldn't instigate any action against him immediately, she needed to steer clear of his obvious attempts at getting a rise out of her, and as much as that frustrated her to no end, she understood that sometimes, you had to concede a battle to win a war. She knew all too well how to be patient.

Anya watched her attentively, narrow eyes studying Lexa’s reaction. They both worked with little emotions, it was how it had always been. They had grown up together, their pasts had firmly enforced emotions to be at the bottom of their lists of things to venture into and too express. 

They both respected each other, and that was all Lexa needed. She gives Anya a small nod, showing she understands, she doesn’t need to do anything else, they mostly spoke through silence and small gestures. 

They both never had anyone to coddle or care for them, Anya would try, but she felt a strong responsibility to care for Lexa in a different way, to ensure she was fed and warm, that they would have a roof over their head, everything was based on the need to survive, everything else came second. 

That is how Lexa learned to live, a part of her survival was to ensure no one became too close to her, that way she never allowed anyone to hurt her. She was the only person she could depend on for emotional support, and that shaped her into someone not many people could begin to understand. 

Lexa had always known that she was different, ever since she can remember she’s been unusual to other people in one way or another. She never made friends and she never cared, she was content with only having Anya, it was how it always had been. 

Lexa would often wonder in her younger years how different her life would be if she wasn’t a product of the system. What would she be like if she had parents? Would they have excepted her for who she is? Would she have grown up to be someone that could openly express herself? 

She would often find herself getting angry at all the what if’s, so she stopped daydreaming all together, the only thing that mattered was the current. 

That is how she found herself throwing herself into the documents in front of her, ignoring everything else whirring around in her head, she needed to focus.

* * *

CLARKE

It had been a relaxed two days for Clarke and Raven. They had been getting to know each other better and began to find their places in each other’s routines. Raven would awake before Clarke, she would boil the jug and have both their cups ready to go when Clarke would get up. Clarke would cook or get the cereals ready, and then they would both sit together and eat. They had found a comfortable way to work around one another, they gelled together easily.

Clarke had called the hospital and had taken all of her holiday time, she had just shy of a month to be home with Raven. Raven had initially protested, saying she didn’t want to interrupt Clarke’s work, but Clarke did not mind at all, in fact she felt a small amount of relief flow through her once she had hung up the phone, something she had not expected. 

Clarke was in the process of enrolling Raven into the local school. Raven decided she might as well have a complete fresh start, she was trying to put her old life completely behind her, and that included starting at a new school. Clarke was so proud, she may not be Raven’s mother, but she felt all the love and affection flowing through her that mothers would often speak about.  
Even though Abby hadn’t set the best example on how to parent, Jake certainly had. Clarke could feel her father’s influence in everything she did. She felt so at ease knowing she was doing the right thing. 

She felt a fresh wave of affection flow through her when she remembered that Lexa was coming over for dinner. They hadn’t texted or communicated since the call, and Clarke wondered if she should finalise the plans, she wasn’t sure if Lexa was bringing ingredients. Deciding not to dwell, she shot off a text to Lexa asking her what the plans for dinner were. 

Clarke couldn’t help but feel completely satisfied by life, things were finally seeming to be settling into place. 

Saying it had been a few rough months would be short selling the truth. The last few months had been hell. Clarke had experienced events so traumatising she had lost herself completely. If she had known that all it would take to mend some of those wounds would be to have some wanted company in her home, she would have reached out a long time ago. 

Raven was a breath of fresh air, someone to help occupy all the empty spaces in her life that she couldn’t remember how to fill. She gave Clarke a purpose. Sure, she was a Doctor, and she truly did feel fulfilment in her job, but this was different. 

They didn’t teach you that becoming a Doctor would be a constant reminder of everything bad in this world; drunk drivers, drug addicted parents, abuse of every variety, the list went on and on, Clarke was there to witness it all.

Continuously being surrounded by pain and suffering was difficult, and Clarke always felt as if she was giving away pieces of herself to her patients, always offering too much of herself, she didn’t realise she was causing herself further harm.

After Finn, after her father, she thought she would never be able to move forward in her life again. She deserved the pain, sleepless nights, the haunting dreams. She deserved everything life was throwing at her. She felt a deep sense of responsibility for her father’s death, something she was sure she would never fully recover from. 

She had made no real attempts at self-help, she rather found herself relishing in the pain she had created, soaking it in, so that she could be constantly reminded by her fuck ups. 

Whenever she would feel hope, she could feed off her own self-pity and remind herself of the bad, the terrible. She didn’t realise how detrimental she was being to her mental health, but maybe, just maybe, she could let herself feel the good she was doing. 

She could admit, everything felt a little less daunting now. Maybe it wasn’t life that was fighting against her, maybe it was her. If she could just begin to accept that there was good out in the world, and that she was a part of it, she could finally begin her first steps out of the darkness she had been plummeted into. 

Even now though, she could feel the niggling in the back of her mind, the ever present black cloud. Finn had put it there, he had planted the seed and watered it every day. Clarke felt as if she could never escape his harsh reminders of her being less then, the reminders that he was stronger than her. 

Her positive outlook quickly began to evaporate; Finn could still do that to her. 

Could she ever really escape him? Was there really any good out there, or was everyone just as bad as the other? Just look at Raven, she had fared no better than Clarke, was Clarke really the right person to help her at all? She couldn’t even help herself.

Everything was beginning to overwhelm her; she was so sick of feeling weak. Reverting all progress made, she allowed herself to be immersed in her own nightmare. The night it all began.

 _Clarke was so happy. Like that fulfilling happiness one can only feel when 3 drinks deep, surrounded by friends with great music playing; not a care in the world._

_She felt like a teenager again, wanting to celebrate every milestone of one’s relationship, never wanting that spark to fade. It was her and Finn’s 4-month anniversary, Clarke had never been one for long relationships, or relationships at all, so for her to reach this point, it meant something._

_Clarke had gone all out, she had cooked an elegant meal, she had been practicing for a while, making sure she wouldn’t stuff up when it really mattered. She’d kitted out the dining table with candles, they emitted her favourite scent, lavender and vanilla. That mixed with the faint orange glow that decorated all the surrounding walls set the mood perfectly. Clarke felt somewhat smug, everything looked so beautiful, she hoped Finn would love it as much as she did._

_She hadn’t seen her boyfriend for nearly a week, he worked away a lot. Clarke respected that he took his job so seriously, and it just made her cherish the time she did get to spend with him that much more._

_For the first time in Clarke’s life, she felt settled, she felt ready for the next chapter of her life, she was sure she wanted Finn to be a part of whatever that might be._

_Finn’s car pulled up in the driveway and Clarke felt her heart lurch in her chest, she was nervous, she hoped he appreciated it all and didn’t think Clarke was an idiot._

_She rushed to the door and opened it, a bright smile radiating her face. She had gone for light makeup, mainly just mascara and eye liner that made her eyes pop, coupled with a light dress, that covered just enough of her body for it to leave some to one’s imagination, just what she wanted. She felt confident, she felt good._

_Finn stepped out of his car, his satchel hanging from his side, Clarke could see the light scruff of his stubble, he was wearing a white suit shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black dress pants. Clarke loved that look on him._

_She wanted Finn to see her clearly, under the porch’s light, so she waited for him to approach her. She was disappointed when he gave her a light kiss on the cheek and a dull greeting, not acknowledging her appearance in the slightest._

_She tried not to let it throw her off, so she followed him into the dining room where everything was ready and waiting for him._

_She had missed the feeling of her boyfriend, so she wrapped her arms around his front from behind him, she began laying kisses all over the side of his neck before whispering seductively in his ear._

_“I’ve missed you, thought I would do something special for our anniversary.”_

_Finn snaked out of Clarke’s grip and she pouted at him, trying to be playful. Clarke had no idea why he was in such a bad mood, and it was starting to rub her the wrong way, she had put a lot of effort into their night, she wanted it to being going so differently._

_Using the last of her good mood she asked him what was wrong._

_“It’s nothing Clarke, I’m just tired, it’s been a massive week.” In his defence, Clarke could see the deep rings under his eyes, he certainly did look worn-out._

_“I know, but it’s our anniversary, can’t we celebrate?” Clarke let the hopefulness in her voice be heard, not caring if she sounded weak, she wanted to have a romantic night with her boyfriend._

_Finn slumped into his chair and gulped down the glass of white wine Clarke had poured earlier. “It’s our 4 months, who cares?”_

_Clarke felt her body tense under her anger, her stature quickly turning defensive. “I care Finn, obviously!” She had never raised her voice at him before, but he was being an asshole, she had put so much effort into this and he was making her feel pathetic for wanting to celebrate. “Did you even fucking remember it was our anniversary?” She put as much venom into her words as possible, wanting him to feel her rage._

_His silence answered her question, she knew it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but she still felt betrayed. Was she the only one putting effort into the relationship? She looked over at him, letting all her anger show through, he did not look deterred in the slightest, even almost bored with the conversation._

_“I’m going to bed Clarke.” He pushed the chair out from underneath him, the high pitch squeaking not helping lessen Clarke's erratic heartbeat._

_Clarke quickly made her way over to him and lightly gripped either of his forearms with her hands, she didn’t want the night to end like this, she wanted to fix it. He pulled back against her, which instinctively made Clarke’s grip harden, she hadn’t meant it._

_Before Clarke could gather how for the first time in her life, she was being involved in a physical altercation, with a man nonetheless, Finn had ripped his arm from her grip and backhanded her across the face._

_She felt the sharp sting spread across her cheekbone, her eyes welled uncontrollably, she couldn’t believe Finn had just hit her. He looked just as shocked as she did, he was staring down at the hand that had hit her like it was an alien attached to his body._

_He quickly stalked off out the front door and slammed it shut, giving Clarke another fright, she heard the car engine start, and the tyres spin before they found purchase on the ground and sped off._

_Clarke managed to grab an ice pack from the freezer, she hissed against the ice when she placed it on her cheek, she didn’t realise how exhausted she was until her body was sliding against the back of the fridge and was ungracefully hitting the floor._

_Her face was throbbing, her mind whirring, and so she made her way over to the table and grabbed the wine bottle._

_She would drink whenever her mind would drift back to what had transpired, hoping the liquid would burn her memories._

_She made quick work of that bottle, the tears began to flow uncontrollably, snot and mascara smeared and mashed together on her face. The thought of calling her father entered her hazy mind, but it was quickly replaced with a rolling stomach._

_That’s how she found herself the next day, holding an empty bottle, extremely hung over and confused as to why she was on the couch._

_She nearly had a heart attack when her eyes focused and she saw Finn starring at her from the other couch._

_He looked like he hadn’t had an ounce of sleep, he made his way over and fell to his knees in front of Clarke, begging her to forgive him, swearing it would never happen again, he had just lost his temper; he loved her with all his might._

_Clarke foolishly forgave him that day, if she could go back to that moment, she would have told him to leave and never return, but she didn’t._

_He begged her every time it happened for the next few weeks._

_Her self-confidence rapidly diminished with every hit, she became normalised to the monstrous behaviour, and so she found herself always forgiving him, holding him close while he wept in her arms, like he was the one that needed comforting._

_Then he stopped apologising, and she stopped caring, he turned Clarke's reality into her own personal nightmare._

_That is how it was now._

 

It had been months since the last time Finn had laid hands on her. The night that Clarke's life tipped on its axis and her world stopped spinning all together. The only good that had come from the last time was that it gave Clarke the well needed push to rid Finn from her life forever. 

A flurry of emotions were flowing through her when she heard the familiar _thud_ of someone knocking on her front door. 

As she began her walk she could feel her body becoming more taught with each step, making the short walk feel like a marathon. Clarke was in no mood to speak with anyone right now. A deep shiver resonated throughout her body, a slight dampness arose on her back, and she could feel the trickle of sweat roll down her body. She felt as close as ever to a complete breakdown, one more thing and she would snap. 

She didn’t even attempt to correct herself when she opened her front door, not caring who was on the other side. 

Saying she was shocked would be an understatement. She swore she could feel her blood turn to cement, rooting her in place, turning every part of her body into a cool hard stone. Just the site of him broke her, she finally snapped in half. She let out a pathetic half chocked back sob, “…Finn?”

LEXA

Lexa had been staring at the same piece of paper for far too long. The words taunting her. No matter how many times she read them, her brain could not manage to understand them, and it was frustrating her to no end. 

She had gone on her run later then she wanted, this morning had thrown her whole routine out the window, and that in itself was a distraction for Lexa. She needed order in her life. She had found that in her 28 years of living, effort had never betrayed her, and so she structured her life around her work, always pouring too much of herself into it, some would say she was obsessed. 

However, she was the best, and obsession is what made Lexa the best damn lawyer in the country, she would graciously accept it as a compliment whenever given to her. That is what made the whole situation that much harder to endure, between Clarke and Pike her mind was in overdrive. 

She remembered Clarke’s message that she had childishly ignored, to put her own mind at rest, she had to go tonight, she knew she was of no use to the case files in front of her, so she grabbed her keys and made her way to the shopping centre before she could drive herself any further to madness. 

She decided on cooking one of her favourites, crispy skin salmon, sweet potato mash, asparagus and white sauce. She had made it a million times, it alleviated some of the tension she could feel growing inside her, she knew she would never stuff this dish up. 

She had to go home before heading to Clarke's, she needed to change. She was surprised to see her sister laying on her couch when she returned. Lexa hoped they wouldn’t talk about tonight, but she knew better. 

She quickly deposited her items in the refrigerator and made her way to her bedroom, she didn’t fail to hear her sister’s steps following her. 

Anya threw herself onto Lexa’s immaculately made bed, surely just to irritate her further, it worked. 

“You have to remake that now.” 

“And you need to relax, what’s got you so worked up?” Anya knew exactly what had Lexa on edge, but her sister would relentlessly annoy her if she didn’t verbally admit it to her. 

“I’m not in the mood to play games Anya. I’ve been trying to think of a way to get Pike, but we have nothing unless new evidence is found or he breaks a law under his social worker license.” Anya just nodded her head along, she already knew all of this. 

“Yes, so don’t worry about it for now, we have no choice but to wait of an opportunity to arise. What about Clarke? I bet Pike isn’t the one that’s making you so nervous.” 

Lexa did her best to hide the blush that was creeping its way up her neck, it seemed even her body couldn’t control itself when it thought of Clarke. 

“I know you Lexa, you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t like her like _that_ , but you shouldn’t, it’s been so long, let yourself feel something.”

If only Lexa could tell Anya that she had felt something, something she hadn’t felt in years, something terrifying; _hope_. 

Clarke had made her feel so much in such a short timeframe, and Lexa had impulsively put herself out there by offering to cook dinner. Lexa didn’t know how to act, how to approach the situation, she felt unsteady, and she didn’t enjoy unsteady at all. 

“Just be yourself Lexa,” That was about as deep as each other could stand in one sitting, and Lexa felt the relief rush through her when she saw the change in facial expressions on her sister’s face.

“now grab your dark skinny jeans and that white top you love, Clarke will be drooling all over you, maybe some of that tension can be released huh?” Lexa wanted to vomit when her sister winked at her. 

“Gross Anya, I’ll call you later,” Anya gave her a mock salute and Lexa just shook her head, “don’t forget to lock the door on your way out!” 

She was fuelling herself with fake confidence on the drive to Clarke’s, reminding herself that she was Lexa Woods, a name known by every important person in the country, she had built that name from nothing, she could last through a dinner easily. 

She was confused and a little bit hurt when she pulled into Clarke’s driveway and noticed another car parked. Clarke hadn’t mentioned anyone else would be attending their dinner? Meeting new people outside of her office setting made her feel uncomfortable. 

Pulling the park break a little harder than necessary she proceeded to grab the shopping bags and make her way to the front door. She knocked lightly twice, almost hoping no one would hear it. 

She dropped the bags she was holding when she heard a muffled smash and something hitting the floor. She determined it was a body when she heard a painful groan, which was quickly followed by a desperately shrieking girl; Raven. 

Lexa made quick work of the front door, all thoughts of safety to the back of her mind.

She was not prepared for the scene before her when she entered the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Doom and gloom will be over soon.


	6. Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait!!  
> 4 weeks of full time, hospital placement for my degree.  
> Flying to visit family, driving to visit family.  
> Christmas, new year.  
> And now we're here.  
> Enjoy!

CLARKE

 

"…Finn?"

Surely her eyes had deceived her. 

Surely Finn, the man who single handily destroyed everything good in her life was not standing at her front door with a lopsided grin on his face. 

Clarke would've burst out laughing at the irony of the whole situation if she didn't feel like there was a log lodged in her throat. Just moments prior she was trapped in another nightmarish memory of him. 

Painful memories flashed involuntarily behind her closed eyelids, she could do little to stop her bodies reaction to the sight of him. It was too much for her to handle. 

She gripped the door handle so tight she was sure the brass fitting was going to crumble beneath her fingertips. 

She was on the verge of shattering into a million pieces right then and there. She wanted to sit down and put her head between her knees; curl up into a ball and hide, but she was worried if she moved, or closed her eyes, or anything, she would have unravelled completely. 

She struggled against the weight of her body, fighting to keep herself standing, his presence was too heavy, too many memories, there was too much darkness, it was all hitting her at once and she wasn't sure she could handle it. 

The grin Finn was wearing moments earlier was now replaced with concern. "Woah princess, steady on your feet, everything's okay." 

Clarke nearly stumbled over backwards from the sound of his voice, if it weren't for her white-knuckle grip hold on the door, she's sure she would have. 

Finn's voice sounded so different from the last time she had heard it. There was no playfulness or the light lilt she remembered, he sounded tired, defeated even. Clarke hated that she felt a second of guilt for it, like it was all her fault. 

She lifted her head and took in Finn's appearance as she did. His shoes were not the formal shined black she was so used to seeing, instead he was wearing mud-caked sneakers, coupled with equally dirty shorts and a shirt. Clarke gave herself the courage to look at his face, she wished she hadn't. 

He looked like a completely different person. His eyes were sullen and empty, his once clean-shaven face was bearded and overgrown, his lopsided smile looked as if it physically pained him. The once boyish cheeky Finn had completely disappeared, Clarke had no idea who she was staring at, and that terrified her more than if she did. 

"Finn, what are you doing here?" Clarke really tried to sound stern, strong, but in this situation, she couldn't manage the façade. 

"I'm here because I miss you, Clarke, I wanted to see you." 

Clarke scoffed and took another step back. "You missed me?" 

Finn took a step forward, his eyes flashed with a look of hope, like Clarke was opening to him, forgiving him. 

"Yes Clarke, so much." Finn's hands were shaking, Clarke could see him trying to pull himself together by clasping his hands out in front of himself. 

Once upon a time, Clarke would have adored hearing those words spill from Finn's lips, but now they just brought a sense of hurt and pain Clarke was sure she would never stop experiencing because of him. 

Clarke gripped the door handle firmer, trying desperately to ground herself. "Finn, you need to leave, I told you to never come back here."

Clarke started to close the door on him, but his foot stopped her efforts. She now knew she had no hope of getting out of this situation peacefully like she had wished. Finn had come here for Clarke, and he wasn't going to stop until he got whatever it was that he wanted from her. 

An urgency passed through Clarke then, that sick feeling entered her stomach; she pushed harder against the door. She wished desperately that she could overpower him. Of course, she had no such luck. Finn gripped the door with his hands and forcefully pushed against it, opening the doorway completely again. 

Clarke prepared herself for whatever punishment she would receive, flinching into herself like she had become so accustomed to, but the blow never came. 

She slowly uncurled herself and opened her eyes, Finn was looking at her with a horrified expression on his face, Clarke was confused for a moment until he spoke. 

"I'm sorry, Clarke." Finn's eyes were cast downwards in shame. 

Clarke's stomach bottomed out. She did not want to hear those words from him. His apology had the opposite effect of its desired purpose. It did not sedate Clarke, or make her feel better, instead, it sent a deep rage throughout her body, she had never hated someone before, but she was certain that what she was feeling was hatred. She hated Finn with her entire being. 

An apology did not fix the months of torment he had put her through. It changed nothing. The words were more an insult than anything else, patronising Clarke, always making her feel that sense of low self-worth. Like his apology was enough for Clarke to forgive him, that she was that easy. 

"You're sorry Finn? You're fucking sorry! You're a lying, cheating piece of shit! You cheated on me for months! You beat me! You made everything my fault! You helped me kill my own father! Your apology means nothing to me, get the fuck away from me before I call the police." 

It was like a dam had finally broken. After months of building pressure, it had finally cracked, it was as painful as it was relieving. 

She panted out a deep breath, the air burning her throat. Clarke slumped forward as if her speech had exhausted her. The previous anger and the burning light behind her eyes disappeared simultaneously. The realisation of what she had just done dawned on her, she had never spoken out against him. 

She tried to hold herself together by hugging herself, she didn't want herself to break down in front of him, he already had too much power, she wouldn't give it to him in this moment. 

Finn's face turned from hurt to rage so quickly Clarke could've sworn the hurt was just a part of her imagination. "I came here to bring us back together Clarke! What is it? You think you're better than me now? Is that it? You think because you own some shitty house and are a Doctor that you're somehow more important than me? What has changed!" 

Finn was positively furious, he was barking at Clarke, spit flying everywhere between his vocal stabs. His face was red with rage, fists clenched and ready to attack, neck veins protruding from his skin, desperately trying to keep up with his demand for blood. 

Maybe it wouldn't be the only blood he demanded tonight. 

"Is there someone else?" He was seething. 

Clarke hesitated for only a moment before she replied. "What? No Finn, there's no one else." Clarke watched Finn's eyes for any sign that he didn't believe her. Her moment of hesitation must have given her away because he lurched towards her, Clarke caught the smell of bourbon wafting off him, "You're fucking lyi-" 

Clarke flinched into herself, head tucking underneath arms, body taught and tense for the moment of impact. 

"Clarke? Are you okay?" 

It felt like a blade had just run up and under her ribs, it made Clarke gasp for breath. 

Clarke's voice was fast and low. "Raven?" 

Clarke's thoughts were running at a million miles a second. How could she have forgotten Raven? Why didn't she check the goddamn door before she opened it? She had put Raven in danger, and it was all her own fucking fault. 

"I heard yelling, who is this?" Raven's arms were crossed; a deep scowl set on her face. 

Clarke's worry for herself evaporated instantaneously, instead replaced with protecting Raven. She could never forgive herself if she didn't keep her promise. 

"Raven, inside now." Clarke gripped either shoulder. "Go up to my room and lock the door. Do not come out until I come and get you. Do you understand?" Clarke was staring into confused eyes, silently praying Raven wouldn't object like she usually would to whatever Clarke would suggest. 

Apparently, the urgency in Clarke's eyes told Raven not to question her. Raven reluctantly turned and made her way upstairs, but not before a few disbelieving looks were tossed over her shoulder back to Clarke. 

"Who the fuck is that?" Finn growled at Clarke.

Despite the situation, Clarke let out a deep breath filled with relief, at least Raven was safe.

"That is none of your business." Clarke didn't like the fact she had used Raven's name in front of him. She was going to give him nothing. Raven was hers and Clarke would do whatever it took to protect her, she didn't care at what cost. 

Clarke cast a subtle glance at the door once more, she noticed Finn's arm was no longer in contact with it, and once again tried to slam it shut in his face. She was so close.

At the last moment, his hand had thrust through the small crack remaining, crushing his fingers in the door frame in the process. 

"What the fuck Clarke! Stop!" 

Clarke just pushed harder, using all the energy she had to try keep him outside her house. 

He let out a painful yelp at her protest, Clarke received a small moment of satisfaction from that. 

The moment of victory was quickly once again replaced with fear. Finn had managed to push his fist through the crack until Clarke could see his bicep, quickly followed by his shoulder. He was slowly but surely snaking his way through the doorframe. 

Clarke was sure the adrenaline in her body would have helped her more, given her the strength she needed, but Finn's apparent adrenaline rush also helped him, the scale always, unfortunately, landing on favouring him. 

Finn managed to land a close-fisted punch to Clarke's arm in the struggle, which momentarily threw her off balance. It was enough time for him to push the door open and slam it behind him. He was in Clarke's home now. 

Clarke's limited options were dwindling rapidly. She could run to the nearest bedroom and lock herself in, but she wouldn't have a phone to call anyone anyway. She could run to the lounge room and pray she could get to her phone before Finn got to her, but those chances were slim to none. 

With every step Finn took towards Clarke, she would take one back, like they were opposing magnets. 

Clarke wouldn't dare turn around and take her eyes off Finn, but she knew that a wall was quickly approaching and that she would soon be trapped against it. 

The only option remaining was talking Finn down. 

Clarke could count on one hand the number of times she had successfully gotten him to leave her alone. 

"Finn, please, just leave me alone, haven't you already put me through enough?" Palms were raised in surrender; Clarke didn't want to fight. She was so tired of fighting. 

"I came here to fix this Clarke," he was pointing back and forth between them, "I came here because I realised I needed you, we were so good together, in the beginning, I want us to be like that again." Finn's voice was pleading.

Clarke wondered how drunk Finn would have to be to think it was that easy, that he could just come back into Clarke's life and they could go back to how things were. Very drunk, she decided.

She had handled drunk patient's countless times, but Finn was different, he could see straight through her Doctor act, as much as she hated it, he could see straight through _her_. She didn't know how to handle this situation; Finn was a loaded gun that could go off at any moment. That, she knew. 

She refused to buy into his act, but she couldn't out rightly reject him. 

Clarke's voice was calm, reasonable. "That was a long time ago Finn, things have changed now, we could never just go back to being that, you know that." She emphasised the last three words on purpose. 

She was testing the waters, telling Finn that he knew something already was giving him the power that he needed, but at the same time Clarke would be able to get her point across, it was all a balancing act. 

"Yeah, I know that. But we can start fresh, or something. We can do better!" Hopelessness was creeping into his tone, Clarke could tell he wasn't even sure of what he was saying. 

"It's not me who needs to do better Finn." Clarke's hands were still raised in surrender, she made a minuscule step to the side, towards her kitchen. She didn't know what she was doing, all she knew was that she needed space from him, something to separate him from her.

"I know I stuffed up Clarke, but so did you. You made me leave, I should never have left!" He harshly quipped back. 

Finn was getting angry again, quickly. Clarke was losing control of the situation, Finn never did have a good temper, especially when he had been drinking. 

Clarke watched as he shut down on her, his drunken fury obviously getting the better of him. There was nothing left for Clarke to do but run. 

So she did. 

Clarke's heart was pounding against her chest furiously, she felt like her legs and arms were blocks of frozen ice, yet the rest of her body was somehow on fire. She could hear Finn's shoes slapping against the tiled floors beneath him, every thump made her feel sick, she knew he was gaining on her. 

She was just about to reach out to the corner of the bench and balance herself when she was thrust forward by a powerful push in the back.

Her head went straight into the corner of the bench. 

She bounced off it and hit the floor, her head bouncing against the tiles as she landed. 

Everything went black, and the only thing she could focus on was the pain.

It was like someone was pushing a red-hot iron into her skull. 

The moment was filled with heat and sound and pain bigger than Clarke had ever experienced. There was a funnel of burning heat splitting her in two. Something searing and scorching and tearing. If screaming were a feeling, Clarke imagined it would feel like this. 

She desperately tried to suck some much-needed air into her lungs, but the air felt wet and thick, she was choking on it. 

She was losing control of her own body, she couldn't move, she couldn't scream, _she couldn't breathe_. Though her eyes were shut, she squeezed them tighter, almost painfully, she needed to ground herself to anything at all, she needed to put the pain she was feeling aside so she could gather herself. 

Her thoughts started to scramble together, jumbling until they began to make sense, her Doctor instincts were beginning to take over, and she let them. 

She managed to roll onto her back and place her hands on her head, it was the best way for her to open her lungs. 

She forced herself to control her breathing, 4 seconds in, 4 seconds hold, 4 seconds out, her first few attempts were near impossible, she was breathing in for only a moment before it all came spluttering back out, she was gasping and wheezing and feeling completely helpless to it all, she was just about to abandon the idea completely when it finally started to get minusculely easier, she could hold it for a second longer, she could breathe in that few seconds more, after a few more attempts Clarke finally found a rhythm. She could control it again.

Her other senses began to come back to her then, and she immediately took notice of a new problem, the feeling of wet heat streaming down her face, she knew exactly what that was, _blood_. 

Her hands immediately scrambled to place pressure on the wound, Clarke winced when she found the spot, just above where her hairline began, the swelling was already substantial. She ran her hands over the cut, it was about an inch long, she would need stitches. 

Clarke could feel the thick wet heat of blood on her fingers, she knew she needed to control her heartbeat to decrease the amount of blood that was currently flowing out of the cut. She took more steps to help herself regain control over her body, she could feel herself starting to calm down. She wasn't sure how long the whole process had taken, though.

She tried to get up on her hands and knees, but her head was spinning uncontrollably, she tried opening her eyes but white spots were clouding her vision, she thought she could hear screaming, but it sounded far away, so she wasn't sure. 

She allowed herself to just rest, her mind quickly began to wander. 

RAVEN

She was burning a whole in the carpet beneath her, that she was sure of. She was never one to pace, but she couldn't help what she was doing, it was like she had no control over her bodies actions. 

Her mind was wandering to dangerous places. She couldn't help it, she had to live her life always assuming the worst, it was the only way she could survive with all the horrible outcomes. 

Clarke had sent her up to her room, almost begging her to go, Raven couldn't help but do what she said, she had never seen Clarke look so fierce and sure of something before. 

She had heard a door slamming and some yelling just earlier, she was so confused, she wanted to know what was happening. She wanted to know that Clarke was safe. 

She was tearing her hair out pulling at it, bruising her arms squeezing herself so tight. 

Her instincts were pushing her to go out and see what was happening, but she had Clarke's desperate pleas for her to stay in her bedroom dancing around in her head. 

Raven swore she heard the faint sound of two knocks on the front door of the house, but she couldn't be sure with all the pacing she was doing. 

All thoughts quickly ceased when she heard screaming coming from downstairs. They were Clarke's screams. She couldn't help herself, she ran out the door and quickly reached the stairs, she stopped dead in her tracks when she heard the smashing of glass against tiles. 

She began to scream Clarke's name, she just needed her to be safe, to be okay. She clamped a hand over mouth to shut herself up, but the hand was mostly useless, it was trembling uncontrollably. 

She made slow, tentative steps down the stairs, trying to listen out for any sounds that may lead her to know what was going on. 

Raven reached the bottom and glanced over in the direction of the kitchen, that was when her chest ceased breathing, when the coil inside her wound up so tight she couldn't move. 

Clarke was laying on her back, hands on her head, covered in blood. Raven could see the pool beginning to form. 

Clarke's eyes were shut. 

_She's not dead_

_She is not dead Raven_

Raven despairingly gripped each thought like the rung of a ladder by which to haul herself back to the now; back to this life. 

_Not everyone dies in your life Raven, they can't, she's okay_

She surveyed the room, wiping away angrily at the tears that had helplessly formed. 

The man who she had seen earlier was making his way over to Clarke. 

Ravens entire life had been filled with tragedies, all these crippling events that had led her to the person she was today. She hated that she had no control over her own story before she came to Clarke's. Clarke treated her as if she was an equal, Clarke had opened her door to Raven when she knew nothing of her except the most recent tragedy, Clarke had given her a chance at life, and she'd be damned if she let anyone take that away. She wouldn't let him. 

The switch flipped inside Raven and she couldn't hold herself back. She was sick of standing idly by while people tore down others. She was so sick of people taking advantage of other people. She was so sick of being powerless and weak. She was so sick of evil people being a part of her life. She had had enough, she couldn't take it anymore. 

She closed the distance between herself and the man and launched herself onto his back, she didn't notice the glass crunching underneath her feet on the way over. Raven wrapped her arms around the man's throat so tight her broken arm began to quickly ache. 

"What th- the fuck! Get the fuck off of me!" 

He began thrashing around, but Raven had a vice-tight grip on him. He made a last-ditch attempt to throw her off of him, but that wasn't working either. 

Raven could see his ears beginning to turn red, he was wobbling side to side, extremely unsteady. She could hear him trying desperately to breathe, it sounded gasping and painful, but she couldn't stop herself. 

Raven felt his knees give way from underneath himself, he was falling backwards. She would be crushed under the weight of him. She scrambled out of the way as fast as she could, that was when her back hit the front of another person. 

Raven whipped around so fast she got slightly dizzy. 

She had never felt so much relief pass through her so quickly before in her life. 

_Lexa_

She was trying desperately to get some words out, but all she could manage was Clarke. 

"Go help Clarke." Lexa's voice was so strong, so sure. Raven didn't feel an ounce of uncertainty now that she had arrived. 

Raven just nodded and scooted past the man that was gasping for breath on the floor, making her way to Clarke. She felt another rush of relief when she saw Clarke trying to move. 

_She's breathing, she's alive, she's okay_

LEXA

Lexa could feel her heart constricting in her chest, she had walked into a situation she had never expected to see. Clarke was bleeding on the floor, Raven's arms were wrapped around who Lexa could only guess was Finn's, throat; choking him. It had taken her a moment to snap to action, but when she had, nothing was going to stop her. 

She quickly closed the distance between herself and Finn and grabbed him by his collar, dragging him across the broken glass towards the front door. He was letting out painful grunts of protest, but Raven had done an exceptional job at disabling him, he was just a weak drunk now. 

Lexa rolled him onto his stomach and harshly pushed his wrists up to his own shoulder blades. Lexa knew how painful and helpless it made you feel. _Perfect._

"I'm going to call the police, I'm going to ruin your life, if you ever even have a thought about Clarke, ever, again," she was nearing closer and closer to his ear, even she was frightened of the voice she using, "I'm going to ensure you never have a day of enjoyment in your life ever again. Do you understand me, Finn?" Her voice was shooting daggers directly at him, she couldn't be taken anything but seriously. 

Just to scare him some more, she edged his wrists closer to his neck, any more and she would surely dislocate them both. He was wriggling frantically, desperately trying to get any relief from the pain, but Lexa wouldn't allow it. 

"I said, do you understand me, Finn?" She gripped his wrists even tighter. She gave him a moment, but he didn't reply, so she pushed his right arm that little bit higher, Lexa heard the satisfied _pop!_ of his shoulder joint. 

Finn let out a sharp cry, Lexa didn't feel any remorse, she wished she could do more. 

"You're not answering me Finn." She was grounding her teeth together in anger, she wanted this man to feel helpless and pathetic, she wanted him to pay for what he had done here. 

"Yes! Yes okay! I will never come here again! Let me go you crazy bitch!" Finn's face was contorted in all types of pain. 

"No Finn." She would not allow him to get out of this that easy. "You will never have another thought about Clarke again in your life, you're going to be a ghost, you don't exist in Clarke's life, you are nothing." 

Finn had a moment of hesitation before he hurriedly agreed, nodding profusely. Lexa knew he would say yes to whatever she said just to get her off of him, but some of it would stick. 

"Raven! How's Clarke?" Lexa hopelessly tried to control the worry in her voice for Raven's sake, internally she was losing her mind agonising over Clarke. 

"I'm fine, Lexa." 

Lexa quickly got up and rolled Finn over, she landed a quick but firm kick to his groin, knowing that would keep him down for a while.

She made her way over and took in Clarke's appearance, she looked pale and weak, blood was covering her face, hair and t-shirt, the cloth that she was holding to the wound was now red. 

"We need to get you to the hospital." Lexa's voice was back to steady and strong. 

Clarke shook her head, but it looked as if she instantly regretted it, her eyes scrunched up in obvious pain.

"No, no I don't, I can do the stitches myself, I'm fine. Neither of you can call the police either." 

Raven and Lexa shared a look between each other, confusion apparent on their faces. 

Lexa's voice carried so much anger she hoped Clarke wouldn't think it was directed at her, she was having a hard time trying to control her anger. "We have to call the police Clarke, he came and attacked you, and Raven. You're seriously hurt, it could've been so much worse." 

Lexa could see Clarke flinch at her words, her eyes downcast, ashamed. "Yes, I know that. But if we call the police, we have to tell them what happened, if we do that, what will happen to Raven?" Lexa wasn't sure if it was pain from her cut or the thought of losing Raven that made Clarke cry. 

Lexa quickly began to understand Clarke's thought process. Clarke could very well lose Raven because of what had happened here. If her home was seemed dangerous and unfit for a child to remain safe, there would be no choice but to remove Raven from it. 

"What is going on? Why can't we call the police because of me?" Raven was putting on a brave face, but Lexa could see the strain in her eyes, the nervous playing of her hands. 

"Raven, Clarke's right, if we call the police, they'll take you away, they'll think it's too dangerous for you to stay here." Lexa's voice was sympathetic but firm, stating the facts. 

"What! Why? It isn't Clarke's fault that this happened." Raven was clearly offended by the comment on behalf of Clarke.

"Yes it is Raven, the man, Finn, he's my ex, he did this because of me." You had to strain to hear Clarke's voice, she sounded so distant. 

Raven looked shocked at first, then hurt, and then determined. She reached over and gripped the hand Clarke wasn't using. 

"Still isn't your fault Clarke, he made the decision to come here, he made the decision to be violent. You had no part in that, you can't take responsibility for any of this." Lexa felt a sense of pride sweep through her at Raven's bravery. 

Lexa stopped and took a moment to think about their options. She could ignore Clarke and call the police, yes, Finn would be taken away, but his charges could be non-existent and he probably wouldn't even face jail time, the court system was pathetic in defending women against men. She had seen in countless times.

She could find a weakness in Finn and exploit him, threaten him. It would go against everything she had learned as being a family lawyer, but she understood that sometimes you couldn't play the same game as everyone else, sometimes you had to get creative. Lexa knew what she had to do.

Lexa walked off and grabbed a whimpering Finn, dragging him back over to where Clarke and Raven were. 

"Where does he work Clarke? Who are his parents?" 

Clarke looked confused for a moment, but she quickly caught on, despite an obvious concussion, she was still sharp. 

"His parents own a company, ummmmm, they're property investors, set people up with houses and what not."

"So they wouldn't like their son to be broadcast as a drunk who stumbled into some randoms house and was violent towards them, would they?" 

"No, not at all." Clarke had a small smile gracing her lips, it made Lexa's heart have a little stutter. 

Lexa took some photo's and a video off of her phone, pictures of Clarke's head, Finn's hand and shoulder, the smashed glass and blood stains on the floor. It all looked pretty horrible, so much so that Finn wholeheartedly agreed to never associate with any of them ever again, he promised he would be a ghost, they would never see him again. 

Lexa promised that if he ever returned, the photo's would be sent to his parents. 

They would have all but two options then, they could hide their son and get him the help that he needed in a rehab facility, far far away from anyone, or Lexa would release the photos, ultimately destroying their company. Lexa would blur out anything that may come back to Clarke. No one liked working for people who had a son that was a violent drunk. 

Finn all but ran out the door, clutching his dislocated shoulder, supporting his arm. Lexa wondered for a moment if he would be able to drive, but then she remembered she didn't care and placed her focus back on Clarke. 

Raven was helping Clarke stand, and guiding her to the bathroom, Lexa joined in, Clarke was very unsteady on her feet. 

Lexa was worried, even though Clarke was a Doctor, she wasn't sure if she had the capacity to look after herself at the moment. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital Clarke? We can just say you fell and hit your head." 

"No, if we ever have to use that photo, I don't want any evidence that the person in that photo is me, we have to do this here, no one can know." 

Lexa knew Clarke was right, but she didn't like it. 

\--

CLARKE

Clarke was putting on a brave face. She was in complete and utter need of some serious pain killers and some sleep. But she had to stitch her head back together before she could rest. She was blinking away the dizziness in her head and trying to gather herself. She felt scattered. She felt like there were pieces of herself everywhere, she didn't know where to start putting herself back together.

She figured she'd start with her head. 

She found little comfort in the methodical steps of stitching, usually, she would find joy in it, knowing that she was putting something back together that was once broken, but she knew this ran so much deeper than a superficial cut on her head, this was engrained into her memories forever to be remembered. It wasn't just her this time, Raven and Lexa were involved as well, she never wanted anyone else to experience what had happened here today. It changed you as a person. 

Clarke hadn't recognised herself in a long time. She didn't want that for Raven. But it had happened, and Clarke couldn't help but place the blame for this onto herself as well. The list seemed to never stop growing. 

Clarke didn't think the pain from the cut was so bad after all, the pain of crushing failure was far more intense than that. 

A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder, but Clarke couldn't handle the feeling of touch, she didn't want to feel comforted, she didn't want pity. 

"Clarke, I'm going to wipe the blood off your face and neck, Raven's gone to get you some sleeping clothes." Lexa's voice was calm and methodical, tender hands began the dirty job of cleaning Clarke up. 

Clarke watched in the mirror as every swipe smeared the caked blood off of her and onto the cloth. Although a light pink tinge was still present, her pale skin began to take form again. 

With every wipe, Clarke thought she would slowly start to come back to herself, but she could still feel the blood, she could still feel the fear. The cleaning was doing nothing but just that, cleaning. 

She wanted to look away and try to forget this person with empty eyes that were staring back at her, but she couldn't bring herself to. She needed to see herself like this. 

Clarke remembers a time when she would lock herself in the bathroom and take showers so hot the mirrors would fog completely over. She would stand there, watching as her features began to slowly take shape as the fog dissipated, rough lines would appear first, then details would appear gradually. She hoped each time that when the fog disappeared she would see someone new, someone beautiful; the shower never transformed her though, she would always see the same dull eyes staring back at her. Nothing had changed. 

Clarke knew that was what she was feeling now, the blood may have been removed, but nothing had changed, she was still covered in it. 

LEXA

Lexa almost couldn't stand it. She was looking at Clarke in the mirror, but the eyes she saw had no reflection of the Clarke she was used to seeing. The blue iris's that would offer so much hope and love and strength were gone, Lexa was staring at eyes so empty it took her breath away. They were pools, liquid, nothing. 

She was thankfully interrupted by the sound of light feet walking down the stairs. Raven entered the bathroom holding Clarke's fresh clothes, a look mixed with defeat and strength across her face. 

"Clarke, I brought you down your favourite pyjamas." Raven was smiling, though you could tell it was all for Clarke. Clarke returned one only for Raven. Neither girls smile reached their cheeks. 

"Alright, let's get you ready for bed."

\--

CLARKE

Clarke could see the subtle glances Lexa and Raven were trying to hide from her. The looks of worry. Clarke wished they would stop. 

They were walking her up the stairs to her bed, placing her in it, tucking her in. Raven had hurriedly excused herself and set off back downstairs for her own room. 

It was like Clarke was existing above her body, watching herself. She knew she was scaring the girls with her zombie-like state, but she couldn't stop herself, she felt numb. 

Lexa interrupted her thoughts with her soft voice. "Well I should head home now, I'll come back in the morning to check on you both." Clarke watched Lexa nod to herself like she was trying to convince herself to leave. 

Clarke felt an onslaught of dangerous emotions rush through her, she was sure she wouldn't get an ounce of sleep if she was left alone in this bed. 

Clarke clenched her fists at the thought of having to ask Lexa to stay for her own comfort, but she allowed herself to. "Please don't leave me, Lexa." 

"Of course Clarke, I won't then, I'm right here." 

Clarke patted the spot next to her and Lexa hesitantly sat in the spot, back stiff against the headboard. Clarke didn't mind, though, as long as she wasn't left alone. 

Clarke was still feeling the effects of the concussion, head still in a daze, she wanted to know what had happened while she was on the floor barely conscious. 

Clarke broke the silence with the question that was eating away at her. 

"How am I alive Lexa? I was on the floor incapacitated, unable to protect myself, next thing I know Raven is next to me and I'm alive. I don't understand." 

Clarke heard Lexa let out a deep sigh. 

"When I opened your front door, Raven was wrapped around Finn's back choking him." Clarke took in a sharp intake of breath before her windpipe closed. "You were on the floor. Raven fell off his back and landed on me, I told her to go see you. I dealt with Finn." 

Clarke was sure Lexa had left out some parts, but at least she could put a kind of memory to the blank space. Clarke's mind strayed to Raven, her Raven. She couldn't believe what Raven had done to protect her from Finn. Clarke had sworn to keep Raven safe, but it turned out that it was Raven that saved her. 

She realised how terrible a job she had done this evening with caring for her. She hadn't even uttered more than a few words to Raven. A sudden need hit her like a truck, she wanted more than anything to be able to care and help Raven through this, she needed to be there for her. 

"I need to go see Raven, come with me?"

Clarke was up and out of the bed in a matter of moments. 

"Have you checked her stitches, Lexa? How's her wrist?"

Clarke could see Lexa grasping for words at her sudden outburst of life and energy, but Clarke didn't have time, so she just rushed down the stairs and into Raven's room. 

Raven was staring at the roof with silent tears running down her face. Clarke's heart broke at the sight. 

Clarke and Raven hadn't really gotten past the whole sharing beds thing, but when Raven lifted the blanket Clarke didn't hesitate to get under the sheets and wrap herself around her. 

Clarke had never heard Raven's voice sound so fragile, "I thought you were dead, Clarke"

Clarke just nodded into her shoulder, tears escaping her eyes and wetting Ravens shirt. 

"Thanks to you I am alive, I owe you Raven, and I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I made you a promise, I told you I would never leave you, I intend to keep that promise. I'm so sorry." 

Clarke felt Raven clutch her shirt desperately, her head ducking under the covers and into Clarke's chest. Both girls were crying into each other now, sharing each other's pain. Clarke hadn't realised she could feel this full of love after something so terrible had happened. 

Clarke grasped either side of Raven's face and quickly observed her stitches, they were still in, none had been pulled. Clarke felt the first genuine smile sneak across her face for the night, "I love you Raven." 

Clarke placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and allowed Raven to grip her even tighter, sobs were wracking through Raven's body, but Clarke knew they were not from sadness, instead of happiness and most importantly, hope. 

Clarke glanced over and saw Lexa leaning against the doorframe, she had obviously observed the whole thing. Clarke lifted the blanket and flicked her head to gesture her to enter. Lexa nodded and made her way over, getting under the covers. 

Lexa whispered into Clarke's ear. "You did good Clarke." A small smile graced Lexa's lips. 

Clarke could feel the hollow in her chest slowly filling, strength seeping into her. She knew as long as she had them, she would be okay in the end. 

The events of the day began to weigh on her, her eyes began to droop closed from exhaustion. 

Raven broke the silence one last time before they all drifted to sleep, "at least we'll have matching scars on our heads now, huh Clarke?"

Clarke couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, only Raven could go from crying to joking in a few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can yell at me on this: [Tumblr](http://writeclexa.tumblr.com/)


End file.
